Stupid Boi asks: "Does it really get better?"

On the eve of the Out of the Darkness walk here in Bloomington; I want to talk a little bit about suicide and bulling. 

Our children our killing themselves, because we as adults cannot understand how to live harmoniously.  In turn we teach our children to hate and spew this hate. Hate is a learned event!  This isn't something new!  If this was just a recent event, there wouldn't have to be organizations like the Trevor Project.  We need to remember that when we as adults hear children spewing this hate, it is our obligation to stop it. 

I take no issue correcting a child about hate speech!  I don't care if it changes their mind or even the parent's; I know that when I do, another child who feels helpless may find hope in that action. 

I want to also take a moment to talk about "It Gets Better".  I love this idea of spreading a message of hope.  That one day it will get better.  I have found so many friends and "family" that make my life complete.  However, yes there is a however, I had a friend in Iowa who committed suicide not because of childhood bulling; but because of the bulling he felt from his own community!

Brothers, we are bulling ourselves!  That dirty look you give in the bar because someone doesn't meet your standards of beauty or when someone says "hello" and you ignore their politeness.  That too is Bulling!  Not everyone in this world is attractive to everyone else, but I think it is important to know that there is a moment that someone could just be polite.  

I learned early that "Reading is fundamental"!  While I get that most of the time is should be in good fun, some of us take it too far.  Sometimes you just don't know where someone is in life.  Take a moment to get to know the person sitting next to you at the bar. Make a statement by making your group of friends the most accepting.

We are bullied by our own image of perfection. There are so many people in our community that are so interesting!  The other day, I meet someone who is much older than myself and learned that he used to be a dancer in Vegas and Europe.  We had so much in common (Musical Theatre love).  Had I allowed myself to be the person who I want to be, the bully; I would have never meet such an interesting person.

I urge you to take a stand against bulling, invite someone new to your table, you don't know what they may bring.  It is so important that we show these children that it Truly Gets Better!

Eat Right, Stupid Boi!

Over the next couple of months I will be merging Flirt with Stupid Boi and the Adventures of Stupid Boi…why? Well, because, I am moving on to a new blog called “Eat Right! Stupid Boi” What is it about you ask? Ah…really do I need to explain that?

I just read a book called Life Force Energy. I have had this book for a while, but recently read it. I actually read it in one sitting! It makes a lot of sense. It is based on a Raw Food way of life. It explains that there are so many things that we put into our body that affect everything. It affects not only our health, but our mental state.

Since most of you know that I have General Anxiety Disorder (GAD); I wanted to try something like this so that I wouldn’t have to spend a lifetime on pills. To me, Western Medicine is something that you should use as a last resort! I do believe in Preventive Medicine is key to a health long life. There are so many things that go into Preventive Medicine though. Preventive Medicine is like maintenance on your car. If you get your oil changed and check the fluids, etc. your car will last you a long time.

This is just an effort to change the way I live. I really want to live a healthier and more productive life. I really think that this will help me achieve thing. I encourage you to read the book. I don’t want anyone to change the way they live or anything like that. I am changing who I am and brining you along for the ride.

I really hope that you will join me in this little adventure! (by reading and commenting) I would love to give a shout out to whoever it is in Russia that keeps reading the blog!


XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Where I am at...at the moment!

I breaking into something new here.  If you couldn't tell by the title.  This was my birthday weekend!  WOOT!  I had a great time.  I am sore from performing on Saturday night!  So, I am a year older. What does that mean to me? Nothing.

I don't feel any more mature, I don't feel anymore stable.  Actually, I feel just the opposite. I feel like all I am doing is running around trying to make things work and nothing is.  Maybe I am trying too hard.  I feel like I should probably tell you all my state of mind. 

I am not in a good place tonight.  Maybe it was the Goose, the Patron; but I am feeling depressed and lonely.  Very emo! I really want to be better then who I am right now!  I know that this is part of the mental illness that I have; and being a broke bitch, makes it hard to get help.  I do have insurance, but how do you pay the co-pay?

Anyway!  I am just in a weird mood and felt like sharing it.  Maybe you care, maybe you don't, but that is the jest of what is going on in my head.  I just wish there was a button to start over!  Something that when it gets this way I can just say okay "Redo" and make it all work out. 

Doing Laundry with Stupid Boy!

So today is Sunday… Funday?  Probably not!  I am sitting in the Laundromat on 3^rd street in Bloomington, I chose this one because it has free WiFi.  It is a small little place that has a few machines.  I forgot how expensive it was to do laundry on your own.  It is always better to have your mother do it, LOL.  

The past couple of days I actually went out and did something.  Friday night, in an effort to curb my Social Anxiety, I went to Uncle E’s…alone.  I had to text my friends back home because, as I told them, I was shaking like a “Virgin at a gang bang”.  I did talk to some people, I actually saw someone from South Bend.  They actually remembered me before I remembered them.   It was a little experiment for myself to see if I could get it together and not actually panic and leave. 

I find it funny how all day long I can talk to the most random people, listen to their stories, and give guidance (hopefully); yet at the same time have an issue with being alone in a Gay bar.  These are my people.  I should be in my element there, alas, I am not.

I know I have referred to it a couple of times, but, I think a major part of my anxiety is my own insecurities and the cannibalistic gay culture that we have.   I actually have been talking to some of the people I meet here about that.   Even someone who our culture would say is attractive has the same insecurities that I do.  Isn’t that funny?  I guess that just goes to show that sometimes, that social anxiety is in the eye of the beholder.  So I overcame that evening with great success!  I am very happy for myself because that is a step in the right direction. 

Anyway, I want to tell you about this dream I had last night.  In this dream I was driving drunk and hit and killed someone.  Who happened to be from Australia; for some reason I had to go to Australia after that.  I remember feeling this complete sense of guilt and dread.  It was the weirdest thing.  Right before I woke up, I was concerned about making sure that my driver’s license wasn’t going to be revoked.  Not that I might end up in jail, just that I had a driver’s license. 

Then things got really strange.  I was at a Speedway gas station, and I could see this person that I know about to get beat with a bat in the head.  So I charged the two people with my car and the guy started chasing my car.  Well, because of the Carwash I was trapped and then he started shooting. (Rude!)  All the while the employees of said Speedway didn’t even notice.  Then it turned into a scene from “Set It Off”, and Queen Latifah came round the corner and saved me. 

I don’t know what I did to get that dream?  I have not recollection of ever having a bad dream in my life; so this one goes down as the first.  I think the moral of the story is Don’t Drink and Drive to Australia, but if you save someone’s life at a Speedway, Queen Latifah will help you set it off. 

It is simply amazing what our subconscious will put together at night.  I can pick out some of the things out of that dream.  Like for instance, I have family who live in Australia and a friend of my date my cousin who moved here.  Well, I saw that friend last night, that explains that.  The whole bat thing comes from the controversy surrounding the Observer.  (See previous post) Finally, someone’s Facebook status was about “Set it Off” the other day; other then that I have no clue.   You got any insight?

Well that’s my 578 words  for today.  I hope you all have a good week, wish me luck….I start my job tomorrow.

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi: Mentally Ill or Just a little coo-coo?

Where do I begin? I am having a good change at the moment. However, the quitting smoking thing is getting a little rough! But I press on for my Health! Now that I have my physical health under way…I should start working on my other two health aspects…Spiritual and Psychological. I think I will leave spiritual to last cause that is gonna take some major renovation.

In 1999 my doctor told me after complaining about back pain… “You’re just depressed and the pain is psychosomatic”. So he put me on anti-depressants, and I went crazy! So I quit taking them because I don’t think I was the only one in the room that day with mental issues.

After ending a three year relationship, I began to feel really out of control of my worrying. I got nervous for nothing, etc. So I went to counselor. She told me well maybe you have anxiety. I went to my PCP and he gave me Lexapro…and Xanax to sleep. I never took the Xanax, but the Lexapro helped a little.

So that is where I am at…really at a crossroads of what is really going on in my brain? Some people tell me that I could have Adult ADD! I am going crazy just trying to figure out everything. What I do know is that being in the sun and taking walks helps me calm down. Writing this blog…helps me not be so fing crazy. I just wish that it was easier to diagnose mental illness. (BTW I hate that term)

I don’t know why I wrote this blog…it just came out of nowhere…maybe in the interest of full disclosure, maybe to garner some insight. Let me know what you have to say about this! Do you have mental illness and how do you deal? Or Am I just Crazy and that’s the way it is?

XOXO,
Stupid Boi