So today is Sunday… Funday? Probably not! I am sitting in the Laundromat on 3rd street in Bloomington, I chose this one because it has free WiFi. It is a small little place that has a few machines. I forgot how expensive it was to do laundry on your own. It is always better to have your mother do it, LOL.
The past couple of days I actually went out and did something. Friday night, in an effort to curb my Social Anxiety, I went to Uncle E’s…alone. I had to text my friends back home because, as I told them, I was shaking like a “Virgin at a gang bang”. I did talk to some people, I actually saw someone from South Bend. They actually remembered me before I remembered them. It was a little experiment for myself to see if I could get it together and not actually panic and leave.
I find it funny how all day long I can talk to the most random people, listen to their stories, and give guidance (hopefully); yet at the same time have an issue with being alone in a Gay bar. These are my people. I should be in my element there, alas, I am not.
I know I have referred to it a couple of times, but, I think a major part of my anxiety is my own insecurities and the cannibalistic gay culture that we have. I actually have been talking to some of the people I meet here about that. Even someone who our culture would say is attractive has the same insecurities that I do. Isn’t that funny? I guess that just goes to show that sometimes, that social anxiety is in the eye of the beholder. So I overcame that evening with great success! I am very happy for myself because that is a step in the right direction.
Anyway, I want to tell you about this dream I had last night. In this dream I was driving drunk and hit and killed someone. Who happened to be from Australia; for some reason I had to go to Australia after that. I remember feeling this complete sense of guilt and dread. It was the weirdest thing. Right before I woke up, I was concerned about making sure that my driver’s license wasn’t going to be revoked. Not that I might end up in jail, just that I had a driver’s license.
Then things got really strange. I was at a Speedway gas station, and I could see this person that I know about to get beat with a bat in the head. So I charged the two people with my car and the guy started chasing my car. Well, because of the Carwash I was trapped and then he started shooting. (Rude!) All the while the employees of said Speedway didn’t even notice. Then it turned into a scene from “Set It Off”, and Queen Latifah came round the corner and saved me.
I don’t know what I did to get that dream? I have not recollection of ever having a bad dream in my life; so this one goes down as the first. I think the moral of the story is Don’t Drink and Drive to Australia, but if you save someone’s life at a Speedway, Queen Latifah will help you set it off.
It is simply amazing what our subconscious will put together at night. I can pick out some of the things out of that dream. Like for instance, I have family who live in Australia and a friend of my date my cousin who moved here. Well, I saw that friend last night, that explains that. The whole bat thing comes from the controversy surrounding the Observer. (See previous post) Finally, someone’s Facebook status was about “Set it Off” the other day; other then that I have no clue. You got any insight?
Well that’s my 578 words for today. I hope you all have a good week, wish me luck….I start my job tomorrow.
XOXO,
Stupid Boi
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