It’s cold outside…that's it just cold. I am a little emo today. I just wonder sometimes…is this it? Am I really doing what I am supposed to be doing or is there something else? I have this burning inside me for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it is…it is just there. I have this feeling that I should be famous or doing something in entertainment.
My mother has this friend and every time she sees my mother she asks if I moved to LA to be in the movies. It just so happens that she comes around every time I start to feel this way. I just saw her the other day after my Peace Corps interview. Is this a sign?? LOL. She always tells me how good I was. I never saw it. Maybe I should be doing big and bright out there. Who knows? I mean really, if it was meant to be wouldn't I have been pushed to do that.
I don't know what I am really feeling right now. I just watched this movie called "Dog Tags" on TLA Releasing. HORRIABLE acting…hot guys…but good story. I dunno I am sitting here just thinking a lot about my life. I mean I got a great one, compared to others. I have two parents and all sorta friends. I have my problems but I get over them. I just get in these moods where I begin to wonder what if…Anyone get that way.
This is going to sound really conceded but I just have this feeling that I am destine to be great! Maybe that is just me thinking way to highly of myself. I just see some of the people who I have done theatre with and they have moved on to be on Broadway and stuff like that. May be I just didn't chase it far enough. I just didn't think I was good enough. Not like I really had many good parts in High School, or was actually told I was any good.
I dunno I am going into the Peace Corps (pending they accept me). I think that is great because I will get to do something great for someone else. I know that I have wanted to try this before. It is only two years of my life and then who knows maybe that will be my ticket in some how.
I am going to side track real quick…I have been thinking a lot about life after the Peace Corps. I have really been trying to pin down what I want to do. I am so lost about it…lol…I really have this life thing figured out. I have been thinking about moving to California…of course San Francisco. I am just so drawn away from this place. I think that I am getting stuck in the Midwest. Not that it really is that bad of a place…but I have never actually meet anyone here who says this is where I really always wanted to be. I just kind of see this a purgatory…the waiting room of the world.
To the shock and amazement of people…I have prayed on this and asked for guidance. Maybe I will just let the universe direct me. Just throw my dance card in the wind and see where it lands. Who knows like VW says on the road of life there are drivers and there are passengers…I am just not a driver I guess.
Anyone else feeling this way? Maybe we can get lost together…let me know…"like two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl"
XOXO,
Stupid Boi
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