Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Y'all Stupid Boi is Angry.

Change! Can someone change?  I have to say that in the past couple of months, I have really hated myself.  I hate what people call me.  I know that I dug that hole.  I mean could I really be that Bitchy?  Am I the most Offensive person you know?  Or is it that you don't actually know me?

Just the other night I was so Fucking nice to someone who made fun of me and the work I do TO MY FUCKING FACE.  It took everything I had not to lay that cunning linguist (see what I did there) out! I am sorry that you think what I do for a living is something to make fun of...you won't be laughing so FUCKING Hard when you have to come and get tested or G*D Forbid that test comes back positive.  In fact I smiled and the FATHER FUCKER and refrained from reading him like I had a test the next day!

Oh shit, y'all Stupid Boi is angry...as usual.  I am just so tired of feeling like I don't measure up...no matter what I do.  Just once I want someone to stop saying "you do good work" and actually help!

I am sorry that I had to post this...it just had to come out, because I can't spend one more night crying.  I have done some real damage to my self-esteem, self-worth, and my mental health.  I just can't take this anymore! I know I should be more "thicked skinned" but I am not.  Sorry I cannot be the nicest most humble person in the world. 


Thank You,
Stupid Boi
A reality set in for me, that in this life there are so many moments...and from one to the next, I don't know where I am.  Tonight was the night, today was the last. It was going to be no more coming home, no more tears of regret. After tonight...there would be a statement. No longer in the dark, just following the light.

I guess there will be more to that story after all...

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Stupid Boi asks: "Does it really get better?"

On the eve of the Out of the Darkness walk here in Bloomington; I want to talk a little bit about suicide and bulling. 

Our children our killing themselves, because we as adults cannot understand how to live harmoniously.  In turn we teach our children to hate and spew this hate. Hate is a learned event!  This isn't something new!  If this was just a recent event, there wouldn't have to be organizations like the Trevor Project.  We need to remember that when we as adults hear children spewing this hate, it is our obligation to stop it. 

I take no issue correcting a child about hate speech!  I don't care if it changes their mind or even the parent's; I know that when I do, another child who feels helpless may find hope in that action. 

I want to also take a moment to talk about "It Gets Better".  I love this idea of spreading a message of hope.  That one day it will get better.  I have found so many friends and "family" that make my life complete.  However, yes there is a however, I had a friend in Iowa who committed suicide not because of childhood bulling; but because of the bulling he felt from his own community!

Brothers, we are bulling ourselves!  That dirty look you give in the bar because someone doesn't meet your standards of beauty or when someone says "hello" and you ignore their politeness.  That too is Bulling!  Not everyone in this world is attractive to everyone else, but I think it is important to know that there is a moment that someone could just be polite.  

I learned early that "Reading is fundamental"!  While I get that most of the time is should be in good fun, some of us take it too far.  Sometimes you just don't know where someone is in life.  Take a moment to get to know the person sitting next to you at the bar. Make a statement by making your group of friends the most accepting.

We are bullied by our own image of perfection. There are so many people in our community that are so interesting!  The other day, I meet someone who is much older than myself and learned that he used to be a dancer in Vegas and Europe.  We had so much in common (Musical Theatre love).  Had I allowed myself to be the person who I want to be, the bully; I would have never meet such an interesting person.

I urge you to take a stand against bulling, invite someone new to your table, you don't know what they may bring.  It is so important that we show these children that it Truly Gets Better!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Stupid Boi takes a deep breath!

I love Davey Wavey! Even when I am have a really bad day, like today, I can just read his blog and it makes me feel better. Lately, I have been feeling a lot of “I’m not ___________enough” to do anything. When I went over to Mr. Wavey’s site I found this  Davey Wavey


It made me feel that I could do anything. On a side note, “Feeling Good” started playing as I was reading it. This just goes to show that even when it seems that the Universe is out to get you…it really isn’t. (that wasn’t terribly poetic…sorry).

So today I am going to just take a deep breath and let the Universe take over!