Advetures of Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi is nothing more | nothing less

2011-12-02T23:43:00.000-05:00

The other day I had a jolting realization. I can honestly say that I can only be defined by one thing, HIV. I am an educator, that is the only thing in my life that I can define myself as. I am nothing more. I've been the "AIDS/Condom/Sex Guy" for so long that I forget sometimes how to turn that off. It's hard to be a part of a community and everyone wants to talk to you about sex/sexuality all the time.

I watch the world around me go by, there are so many people being defined by so much more then their job. I know roller girls, mothers, sisters, brothers, and so much more. I am a lot of those things by title only. I am a brother, uncle, and son; not that I have really ever done anything about any of those things.

I am not a great uncle or brother...never really done anything that has made my family really take notice. I am not even that great at my job. I am, however, really good at being a know-it-all and being an egomaniac (or so I've been told...see I am not even confident in that). I learned recently to just accept that some people just don't like me. It has taken me my entire adult life to learn that.

I guess I haven't really tried to be anything else either. I mean, I hide behind this bitchy exterior, when in reality there is nothing more then a scared little boy playing at being a man. I don't feel my age, I defiantly don't look it. :-) I am just unsure about who I am...which in turn makes me really crazy because I feel that I am too old to not know.

I guess this is the whole meaning of life question, right? What is does it all mean? I just want some direction, I want some ambition...I love what I do, but I want to be more. I want to be interesting like my friends. My friends are all really talented people...singers, actors, writers. I am mediocre at all those things at best. I am just an educator, not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean, I could change people's lives...not that I would know.

I guess I don't even feel like a good educator. I take what I do too seriously. I was talking to someone the other day and they asked me a question about my job. I responded "it's more then just a job, it's my life...it's all I know". After I said that I felt so foolish...but it's true. It is all I know, maybe it's all I'll ever be. Just your mediocre run of the mill HIV educator.

Sometimes I look at pictures on Facebook of my friends and I envy them. I look at their lives and what they are doing. I have a friend who teaches in Korea, another going to the Peace Corps, and another who travels the world making it a better place.

I guess I have just always believed that I was supposed to be great. Do something big...make people notice. I am not sure that I even notice myself anymore. I just mechanize my whole life. Wake up...work...sit on my ass...sleep.

Maybe I wasn't meant for anything...just another brick in the wall.

Stupid Boi Returns...again!

2011-09-15T13:50:00.000-04:00

Hi There!

Remember me? Sorry it has been soooooo long since I last wrote anything. Things are a lot different for me now. In Feb I went through, what can only be described as, a mental break. It was a long road to recover. I also was diagnosed with Celiac disease and have lost 80lbs. I left Facebook, for now and really haven't gone out much.

That is pretty much it in a nutshell. Recently, I have learned that people cannot and will not dictate my happiness. I have to achieve that on my own. So, I set out on an Adventure to make this life more exciting and happy.

In true Stupid Boi form, I have an obsession with this boy. (not a crazy, I wanna here you breath through your window type) Just like I really wonder what this person in like. I don't actually know this person at all, other than what I see on my work's Facebook account. (which I obviously can't use to make the connection and wouldn't)

He isn't really that much my type. Although there is something alluring about him. Not that he posts a lot or says anything profound; there is just this weird draw I have to him. I am not really sure what it is. What I do know is that he is an art student, probably in photography. (there is an album called school work with pictures). Yes, I Facebook stalk him when I have the chance too.

It's just a really weird thing for me. I have never spoken to him or seen him (in person). I don't even know if we have mutual friends. (not that I would ask them to introduce me, because then that makes it really creepy.) I just know that I am drawn to his photos and profile. I am not sure what exactly caught my eye. I am rambling on, sorry.

I just wonder if it would be one of those situations where I would meet him and he would turn out to be someone that I totally wouldn't get along with. On the other hand, I could meet him and he could be the person I imagine him to be. Maybe I'll never know or maybe it is too much Felicity on Netfix. Or MAYBE this is just one of those Craigslist Missed connections that never gets reconciled.

Either way you'll being here more from me coming soon.

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi and Friends

2010-12-29T21:34:00.000-05:00

So, I am not going to do one of these silly little 2010 year in review things...I will do a Friends in review thing. I just want to talk about some of the great people that I have meet and continue to be in my life. They will all have nicknames so it's a little game for them to figure out!

To the Alpha to my Omega. Damn! You are the only person who can actually handle all the crazy shit I pull. I am really glad that you are just as fucking crazy as I am...you just won't admit it. I hope that there are many happy returns for the two of us. One of these days...we are going to end up in jail or famous!

Anita: I am glad that I got to give you that drag name. I just have one question for you: How the hell you gonna have me on a couch? I am glad that I actually met you. Those two weeks made the world of difference to me. It gave me that chance to know "That I could, if I really wanted too". The other advise: "When you walk into the room, there are 30 people just like you..." made more sense then you will ever know! It is amazing how you can let someone into your life that cannot be easily removed!

He was looking at me! I want to say thank you for all your help this year. You really helped me through one of the darkest moments in my life. You housed me when I couldn't and just helped me in so many ways. You are one of the most AMAZING human beings on this planet. And that is from a Sistas Point of View.

The Russian Spy: I don't know how or why we connected...again! I guess that was destiny! I don't know how to begin to articulate how I feel about you. All I know is, I want you to know that you are amazing and I admire you.

I like your jeans: Who are you? I feel at any moment this will turn into an episode of Touched by an Angel? We have a weird connection...I don't know how to describe it. I love it. There is something deep within you. This is strange, but sometimes you make friends with someone and after a while it fizzles. I love that little hint of green I see when I talk about hanging out with other people! Don't worry...nobody will replace you Pati Time!

To my favorite ladies club: You make me smile...everyday! I still don't know how I would have gotten through those dark moments without your support! Thank you!

To the man who "Pays my movie bills": I really appreciate you! You are so much fun! I really like going to the movies and hanging with you. I can't wait to see what kind of trouble we get into! Get the bail money ready, y'all! PS you little southern twang is fucking adorable!

Stubborn Monkey: I want you to know that I really enjoy having someone to text! I actually really like getting texts from you everyday. It is really nice! I hope that the future shows you that some of us are really nice people. I promise you that "this too shall pass" (a la Ditty). I just want you to know that I have my first aid kit handy and I am always ready to help! One of these days you will know.

These are the people who stay on my text list at all times! I really have enjoyed meeting you! 2010 SUCKED and can kiss my ASS. You guys were the ones who made it a Fun! If you can figure out which one you are let me know!

Not like the movies, Stupid Boi!

2010-12-05T21:07:00.000-05:00

Why can someone write a beautiful story and yet not live it? I wish I had this fairy tale life where serendipity, luck and right place, right time met. I always wait too long and then it's too late. I never get that second chance like in the movies. You know the clandestine meeting that will continue to happen until it finally clicks. Well, maybe it has? Maybe I am just blind to it. That is just what has been on my mind today!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi.

Stupid Boi's Greatness!

2010-11-30T01:58:00.001-05:00

There are many difficult things in life. I have spent my whole life feeling different then everyone around me. I just knew that my destiny was for greatness. Right now, I am homesick and wish that I could just pack it all up and move somewhere, where there is nothing to do and my friends and I could just party all day. Alas, I am not on Logo's "A-List New York". (Although, I would be a much better character!)

I realize that instead of chasing pipe dreams, I, in fact; know what my purpose is in this world. I was put on this Earth to do one thing. I know that sounds really cliche and no I did not hear the voice of G*D or anything like that.   I just know what my purpose is. Now, if I could just figure out how to make more money doing it.

My friend, Luci, gave me the best wake up call. She said to me "when you walk into that room, you realize that there are ten other people just like you..." That is the best advice I have ever heard. It had to do with something specific, but I think it translates to life. Sometimes, it's just easier to blend into the crowd then to stand out; and sometimes its makes things easier when you realize you are not alone.

I forgot to stop and look around at what I had, I have spent too much time trying to impress other people and taking the people in my life for granted. I finally realized that my destiny is not greatness...it's gratefulness.   I have to be grateful for all the people who have touched my life. I am not going to make some blanket statement about how everyone come into your life for a reason. Some people are just filler!

There are a select few people in this world that I would have to say have changed my life for the better. Some have given me a sense of G*D and other spiritual information, some are the shoulder to lean on. Some are there to just send you the text to say "hi" and make your entire day better. Then there are the ones who will lift you up, push you down, and slap you in the face.   All of these people are the best things that have happened.

This past weekend, yet another person told me that I gave them the strength to "come out".   At first it made me a little angry...then I realized that I had done something great. I always knew I was destine for greatness! So off to new adventures...new heights...new lows...always grateful!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Y'all Stupid Boi is Angry.

2010-10-12T22:32:00.001-04:00

Change! Can someone change? I have to say that in the past couple of months, I have really hated myself. I hate what people call me. I know that I dug that hole. I mean could I really be that Bitchy? Am I the most Offensive person you know? Or is it that you don't actually know me?

Just the other night I was so Fucking nice to someone who made fun of me and the work I do TO MY FUCKING FACE. It took everything I had not to lay that cunning linguist (see what I did there) out! I am sorry that you think what I do for a living is something to make fun of...you won't be laughing so FUCKING Hard when you have to come and get tested or G*D Forbid that test comes back positive. In fact I smiled and the FATHER FUCKER and refrained from reading him like I had a test the next day!

Oh shit, y'all Stupid Boi is angry...as usual. I am just so tired of feeling like I don't measure up...no matter what I do. Just once I want someone to stop saying "you do good work" and actually help!

I am sorry that I had to post this...it just had to come out, because I can't spend one more night crying. I have done some real damage to my self-esteem, self-worth, and my mental health. I just can't take this anymore! I know I should be more "thicked skinned" but I am not. Sorry I cannot be the nicest most humble person in the world.

Thank You,
Stupid Boi

2010-10-12T00:01:00.000-04:00

A reality set in for me, that in this life there are so many moments...and from one to the next, I don't know where I am. Tonight was the night, today was the last. It was going to be no more coming home, no more tears of regret. After tonight...there would be a statement. No longer in the dark, just following the light.

I guess there will be more to that story after all...

Stupid Boi is an Angry 13 y/o girl

2010-10-10T17:52:00.000-04:00

Check it out!

Stupid Boi asks: "Does it really get better?"

2010-10-09T23:42:00.000-04:00

On the eve of the Out of the Darkness walk here in Bloomington; I want to talk a little bit about suicide and bulling.

Our children our killing themselves, because we as adults cannot understand how to live harmoniously. In turn we teach our children to hate and spew this hate. Hate is a learned event! This isn't something new! If this was just a recent event, there wouldn't have to be organizations like the Trevor Project. We need to remember that when we as adults hear children spewing this hate, it is our obligation to stop it.

I take no issue correcting a child about hate speech! I don't care if it changes their mind or even the parent's; I know that when I do, another child who feels helpless may find hope in that action.

I want to also take a moment to talk about "It Gets Better". I love this idea of spreading a message of hope. That one day it will get better. I have found so many friends and "family" that make my life complete. However, yes there is a however, I had a friend in Iowa who committed suicide not because of childhood bulling; but because of the bulling he felt from his own community!

Brothers, we are bulling ourselves! That dirty look you give in the bar because someone doesn't meet your standards of beauty or when someone says "hello" and you ignore their politeness. That too is Bulling! Not everyone in this world is attractive to everyone else, but I think it is important to know that there is a moment that someone could just be polite.

I learned early that "Reading is fundamental"! While I get that most of the time is should be in good fun, some of us take it too far. Sometimes you just don't know where someone is in life. Take a moment to get to know the person sitting next to you at the bar. Make a statement by making your group of friends the most accepting.

We are bullied by our own image of perfection. There are so many people in our community that are so interesting! The other day, I meet someone who is much older than myself and learned that he used to be a dancer in Vegas and Europe. We had so much in common (Musical Theatre love). Had I allowed myself to be the person who I want to be, the bully; I would have never meet such an interesting person.

I urge you to take a stand against bulling, invite someone new to your table, you don't know what they may bring. It is so important that we show these children that it Truly Gets Better!

Stupid Boi takes a deep breath!

2010-09-21T17:28:00.000-04:00

I love Davey Wavey! Even when I am have a really bad day, like today, I can just read his blog and it makes me feel better. Lately, I have been feeling a lot of “I’m not ___________enough” to do anything. When I went over to Mr. Wavey’s site I found this Davey Wavey

It made me feel that I could do anything. On a side note, “Feeling Good” started playing as I was reading it. This just goes to show that even when it seems that the Universe is out to get you…it really isn’t. (that wasn’t terribly poetic…sorry).

So today I am going to just take a deep breath and let the Universe take over!

Stupid Boi, Eh!

2010-07-21T19:11:00.000-04:00

I'm Baaaaack! Hello there readers of the the lost arc! I just got back from Sault Ste. Marie, MI. That's right...the Soo! I was asked to play a little role in a little musical by a friend. (The Big, Fat, Broadway Hit) You guessed it....HAIRSPRAY! (You guys are so smart!)

The only problem is that now...I have revived a sleeping beast! I cannot remember the last time I felt that I really wanted to do this. No, I am not packing up my bags and chasing pipe dreams...yet! Soon enough!

What are your Dreams?

Stupid Boi's Facebook Friend

2010-06-30T13:46:00.000-04:00

Hey There! So I am off on another adventure! To where you ask? Ah...that is a secret!

I do want to ask you all a question...Do you have a Facebook Friend that you really don't know, but the only reason they are on your page is because you find them too cute? I do! There is this guy on my friends list that I just find too adorable for words! (Obviously not!)

I really don't know who he is and he requested my friendship! Just a thought! How is your life going?

Stupid Boi dreams in Technocolor

2010-06-22T01:26:00.000-04:00

Hey there bloggerella! So, tonight I had the strangest dream!. I dreamt that I had died. I really don't know how I died, just that I did. Well when I arrived in Heaven, there was an escalator which took you to a department store. That's right kids...like Macy's. Well I was standing there with a friend and my uncle (who is not dead) came over to greet me and take me to the buffet.

At the buffet my mother and sister were there. They said we were going to go shopping at the mall. First we had to eat because that is how you pay for things in Heaven. So, we went to the mall...I guess I needed a new pair of shoes because I ended up in the Footlocker! So, in the Footlocker, I over hear these two guys talking about how the one died in Jail and that he had been back like 18 times that month.

The whole time I just kept thinking that I was not going to stay in Heaven, that I would. in fact, return to my Earthy body. My only other thought was..."I hope I get to keep the shoes"! It was the strangest dream...I wonder what that all means!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi at a Crossroads

2010-06-02T01:08:00.000-04:00

You know the saying "never meet your hero!" I have learned that lesson many times. However, I feel that is only half the truth. I feel that sometimes you make friends and then somehow they become your hero! Sometimes, they say things to you that affect your whole out look on life.

Someone said something to me in passing the other day and for some reason I have just been thinking about it a lot. I guess that means it was really meant to be something that you needed to here. That's all I wanted to say tonight. Nothing too profound...just keep your eyes open and your heart full!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi had Committed Microbicide

2010-05-25T12:54:00.001-04:00

Microbicides…what does that mean? A microbicide is any compound or substance whose purpose is to reduce the infectivity of microbes, such as viruses or bacteria. Why yes, I did just give you a vocabulary lesson! Why am I talking about this? That is what I am doing at this moment.

You see children; Stupid Boi is on another adventure. This time I headed to Pittsburgh, home of the 2010 International Conference on Microbicides. In my line of work Microbicides are an important new technology being developed to prevent HIV transmission. Right now, Microbicides are in clinical trials all over the world!

What does this mean for you? Well, first of all, Microbicides give Women the power over HIV infection. It allows us to provide another way to prevent infection. It is under the same context that if you do not want to get pregnant you should use condoms and birth control right? Two prevention methods are better then one. This will also give Women the power to protect themselves in a discreet manner.

So why do I care? As a young gay man, I feel that is very important that we protect ourselves from HIV. Although, I do not have a vagina…I have an anus! There is advocacy and clinical work going on to develop Rectal Microbicides. This is very important in a community that sometimes forgets condoms.

Like I said before this is an international conference; there are people here from all over the world. One thing that I found funny was that someone came to the computer station I was at looking for the bus schedule. When I asked him where he was going, he said…Wal-Mart! He has never seen a Wal-Mart, and to him to complete his journey to the U.S. he has to go to Wal-Mart!

Another thing that I noticed was that, no matter where you are from…you have a Facebook page! I see so many people checking Facebook. I feel a little better about my addiction to it now!

If you want to learn more about Microbicides please check out:

The Global Campaign for Microbicides
International Rectal Microbicides Advocates

Come on, Sugar! Stupid Boi is Heading to Pittsburgh!

2010-05-20T15:31:00.001-04:00

Hey Kids...I am off to the Pitts in the morning for a conf...so here is some traveling music!

Supid Boi is in your bushes!

2010-05-19T23:35:00.001-04:00

Hey there kidos! (Hi Amy...Hi Jill!) SOOOO! Before I head off to learn all about the booty juice in Pittsburgh; I thought I would check in and say hi! Actually, I really want to talk about Facebook Stalking!

So recently I have meet these two very attractive men! Well, they both friend-ed me on the lovely Facebook! So, now I am just taking all of my time on Facebook trying to learn everything I should know about these people AKA I am Facebook Stalking them! I know creepy, right!

However, who is to say that they are not stalking me. Remember the good ole days where you had to drive past someone's house or wait in the bushes to see them? Now it is like information overload, 24/7! I had this crush on someone in high school and my friends and I would pile into the car and on our way anywhere we would drive past his house. Good thing we lived nearby! (You know a mile in the other direction)

I don't know what is driving this obsession with stalking people via the interweb! It is not only a little creepy, but really fun! I mean now you don't have to pretend that you are not stalking someone...you can actually come out and say "Hey, I Facebook Stalked you today" and that is totally cool! I guess saying "Hey, I waited outside in your bushes and dug through your trash!" just isn't that poetic.

Wait, there is more! You can also subscribe to their updates! So now you can get a text message anytime they update their status! It's almost like they are texting you...almost. So here is to being the creepster that is in you "Facebook Bushes" just hoping you don't catch me!

Who do you Facebook stalk?

Stalk ya Later,
Stupid Boi

Eat Right, Stupid Boi!

2010-05-08T18:04:00.001-04:00

Over the next couple of months I will be merging Flirt with Stupid Boi and the Adventures of Stupid Boi…why? Well, because, I am moving on to a new blog called “Eat Right! Stupid Boi” What is it about you ask? Ah…really do I need to explain that?

I just read a book called Life Force Energy. I have had this book for a while, but recently read it. I actually read it in one sitting! It makes a lot of sense. It is based on a Raw Food way of life. It explains that there are so many things that we put into our body that affect everything. It affects not only our health, but our mental state.

Since most of you know that I have General Anxiety Disorder (GAD); I wanted to try something like this so that I wouldn’t have to spend a lifetime on pills. To me, Western Medicine is something that you should use as a last resort! I do believe in Preventive Medicine is key to a health long life. There are so many things that go into Preventive Medicine though. Preventive Medicine is like maintenance on your car. If you get your oil changed and check the fluids, etc. your car will last you a long time.

This is just an effort to change the way I live. I really want to live a healthier and more productive life. I really think that this will help me achieve thing. I encourage you to read the book. I don’t want anyone to change the way they live or anything like that. I am changing who I am and brining you along for the ride.

I really hope that you will join me in this little adventure! (by reading and commenting) I would love to give a shout out to whoever it is in Russia that keeps reading the blog!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Where I am at...at the moment!

2010-05-03T02:59:00.000-04:00

I breaking into something new here. If you couldn't tell by the title. This was my birthday weekend! WOOT! I had a great time. I am sore from performing on Saturday night! So, I am a year older. What does that mean to me? Nothing.

I don't feel any more mature, I don't feel anymore stable. Actually, I feel just the opposite. I feel like all I am doing is running around trying to make things work and nothing is. Maybe I am trying too hard. I feel like I should probably tell you all my state of mind.

I am not in a good place tonight. Maybe it was the Goose, the Patron; but I am feeling depressed and lonely. Very emo! I really want to be better then who I am right now! I know that this is part of the mental illness that I have; and being a broke bitch, makes it hard to get help. I do have insurance, but how do you pay the co-pay?

Anyway! I am just in a weird mood and felt like sharing it. Maybe you care, maybe you don't, but that is the jest of what is going on in my head. I just wish there was a button to start over! Something that when it gets this way I can just say okay "Redo" and make it all work out.

Stupid Boi held Captive!

2010-04-08T01:35:00.001-04:00

As some of you may know, I am in Chicago for training. I have to say that it is possible one of the better trainings I have been too. But, I am not talking about that.

I was in the elevator today and I look up and there is a small screen displaying different things; poems from 5th graders at local elementary schools, ads, little useless facts. (i.e. Did you know that the dye used to make things green is really toxic to the environment. So much for going Green, Huh!) I digress. I noticed that the company put a little saying across the bottom that says “you are watching captive network”.

So, you know I am not one of the great philosophers of our time…I mean I am no Margret Cho…but, I try. I thought about this on my way up the elevator. We are captive most of our lives. Yes, we have the freedom of thought, but how many of you actually think outside the box?

I run into a lot of problems with this. I do not believe that “Public Health Model” is in fact the most effective model. I think it falls into the category of what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. This is simply not true. I do understand that our hands are often tied by government, etc. This brings me back to my point! We are held captive by prevailing thought and not really evidence based rationale.

Even with the evidence based rationale, we are captive to show our numbers in the way they want us too. I would love to sit back and apply for a grant and be able to bring in the one person whose life was changed because of the work we did. That just wouldn’t work. WHY? Because we have to disseminate money to the people who are make the “Biggest” impact on the “Largest” group of people. (Utilitarianism in the most basic form)

Let us take for instance, Greenpeace and Mister Splashy Pants. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mister_Splashy_Pants) The whole story boils down to showing that one whale can change the lives of millions of other whales. Simply by personifying one creature Greenpeace created real social change in Japan.

One human can change the lives of millions by having a unique thought. Creating that thought is something we do all the time. It takes action to make that thought valuable in the eyes of the community. Someone, thought about the public health model, now it is widely accepted by most everyone in the U.S. and dare I say the world. (Except me) There is a model for everything.

Taking the HIV Crisis with the public health model, probably went a little something like this: (according to the Centers for Disease Control)

1)Define the Problem: Gays are dying, Junkies are dying…HIV Virus Discovered.
2)Identify risk and protective factors: Sex, Sharing Needles/ Abstain, use condoms, needle exchange.
3)Develop and Test prevention strategies: Create a test, create a rapid test, implement testing, and define effective behavioral interventions.
4)Assure widespread adoption: Condom use=safer sex, using clean needles=less risk of HIV transmission,
5)Create Policy: Make the schools teach Abstinence only education, create laws that make it illegal to carry needles….WAIT WHA?

Now, I know that this is a VERY OVER SIMPLIFIED VERSION of this model, and there are other great programs out there that DO make a difference. It is just an illustration of how we can become captive to a process. That captivity stops us from being…excuse the catch phrase…Innovative.

Innovation has to come at a price. It comes with the inability to truly be free, unless there is some private funding out there that is willing to give it a chance! (but even then you have to prove it works based on standards set by “society”) Something I learned today; sometimes it takes a captive audience to get your point across!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi wants a Little Respect!

2010-03-30T22:28:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am going to talk about Ricky Martin! I just want to say…Thank you! Thank you for being a brave person! Thank you for showing the world that you cannot hold us down any longer. To the rest of you who have come out…THANK YOU!

Coming out is a process that is lifelong. Actually having to admit to the world that you are a part of one of the most…if I may…Fabulous groups on earth; is difficult. All joking aside, coming out is very difficult. I am blessed with a family who is open minded. Others may not be so lucky.

Before you start with the whole…”who didn’t know he was gay?” bit, think about it. Did you have to come out? If you didn’t then how would you understand? The only choice we have in the matter is to be open or closeted. We didn’t choose to be gay!
So all I am asking is for you to respect people when they do come out. It is one of the most difficult things to do.

What's Your Coming out Story?

Stupid Boi's Rules of Friendship!

2010-03-24T22:29:00.002-04:00

So I recently had a conversation about “friendship” and the rules surrounding it. I think it is funny that there are these “unwritten” rules. So in an effort to save people time I have taken the time to write down my Top Ten rules. Feel Free to add any you would like!

1) A friend must attend all functions related to friendship…i.e. weddings, funerals, birthdays, Court appearances, etc. (Only acceptable excuse is death of a loved one or self!)

2) Friends must complement other friends on appearance at least once a week. Unless said appearance is not up to par with current group standards.

3) Friends must tell friends if they have stepped out of line. (i.e. Bitch are you having a BBQ cause your grill is fucked up!)

4) Every friend gets one good punch to be forgiven immediately. (So make it good and make it count) (Jimmy John’s Ham Sandwich Incident of 2002)

5) If said friend pisses you off, a three day waiting period must occur before discussion of violations. (Three Day Act of 2006)

6) Never jeopardize friends or friendships by acting in a way that would social embarrass or cause the arrest of another friend. (unless both parties are arrested, then it’s a good night)

7) All “Best Friends” must defend each other in the public eye, but may call you out in private. (Best Friend Act of 1767)

8) Any picture that will create revenue for a friend of someone famous is fair game, unless it causes irrevocable damage to said friends fame. (i.e. any picture of people in drag = Fair Game, and picture of people blowing FOX news anchors= bad news)

9) All groups of four must compare themselves to famous groups of four. (i.e. Golden Girls, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I’m Leonardo!)

10) All grouping must attempt to complete Human spectrum. (Our group is only one away!)

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi's broken record!

2010-03-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

Okay…so…yeah! I have attached this video from YouTube. This little gay-ling is too cute and tiny. You just wanna put him in your pocket! His name is Joseph Birdsong, he is one of the 5 Awesome Gays. He also does this music…I am not sure how to feel about it. Is this song about me, Joseph? This song has been stuck in my head, and I have been singing it for days. It was in one of my dreams! Let me know is this song creepy or cool?

XOXO

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi's Confession!

2010-03-16T15:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Canada,

There is something that I have been meaning to tell you for a long time. I LOVE YOU. Not as in how you love your friends or your family…I mean truly LOVE you! I have been in love with you since I was a kid. That first time I stepped onto your soil and felt the cold air brush against me, I know this was love.

I had long forgotten about the love I have for you until this year. You Winter Olympics made my love burn like the Olympic Flame. I know you feel it too! You are so open and free; so majestic and loving. I cannot wait till I see you again.

I love your healthcare system, your beautiful First People, and your national anthem. I want to thank you for the many wonderful gifts you have given me. Celine Dion and Eric McCormack are amazing.

So to you Canada, I say, I love you and Thank you!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

PS Don’t tell Argentina. He still thinks I was on a “Business” trip!

Stupid Boi does YouTube

2010-03-09T13:30:00.000-05:00

I am a YouTube Junkie. I love the idea that people can make their own content and put it out there for the whole World Wide Web to see. (Yes the WWWW) There are some really great comedy troops with awesome video and some really cool collaboration channels. So, I am going to send some love to all of these people!

Reckless Tortuga
This shit is funny right there! They make some of the funniest videos on the net. I especially love the “Psycho Girlfriend”. I also laugh out loud to all of the “And Now You Know” Videos. If you haven’t seen them Check it out!

5awesomegays
This is a Collaboration channel between…well…5 Awesome Gays. Now, I have to admit that while they are all pretty to look at…I really only think that are 3 awesome gays. Some of the videos are a little…blah. I do enjoy the fact that everyday is a new person and every week is a new theme. All in all, pretty cool…Maybe I can get on there and be the 6th awesome gay! Cause I AM AWESOME!

Waste Time Chasing Cars
Mac, the WTCC, kid is really cute…so it is more about looking at him then his videos. I do have to say though, his videos are really cool. He really takes it outside the box. He uses a lot of green screen and other video tricks. He is really interesting to watch.
There are some that I used to like that now suck…for example
Chris Crocker (Leave Britney alone kid), he used to be funny; now he has gone complete douche bag. His videos are all too preachy now. I am glad you are trying to educate people, but your senseless rants make me want to find you and shake you. I still enjoy some of the videos, and I do like Chris.
Well, I figured that I would share that love today with you all. Who is your favorite YouTuber?

A Note about Equality from Stupid Boi

2010-03-04T14:10:00.000-05:00

Today, March 4th is the day that U.S. Congress Officially met putting the United States Constitution into effect. It states:

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

This created the United States of America, a sovereign nation, founded on the principles of Liberty and Justice for all. From very early beginnings, we lost sight of that goal. The American People have answered the call many times. We have been called to war, we have been called to over-turn hateful legislation, and we have been called one of the greatest countries in the World. In each incident, we have answered the call.

Now, I know that many of these issues have two sides. I cannot say that we have always been right, but we have always protected the “American Way” The “American Way” of freedom and achievement. We must stand together today!

To this day there are still Americans who are not fully accepted as a part of this country. Even if you disagree with Equality for GLBT People, you must understand that this is about America! The idea of America, about allowing freedom.

Fellow Americans, In order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, and insure domestic tranquility; we must have equality! This simple idea should not be this difficult. It is the idea of all of our ancestors. For most of us those “Forefathers” came to a nation seeking freedom and equality.

So Today, I ask you, fight for Equality; don’t do it for the GLBT People, Do it for America!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi's 5 Year Plan!

2010-03-04T02:25:00.000-05:00

So everyone is always talking about their 5 year plan. I have never actually had one! So here are the 50 things I want to do in the next five years!

Get out of debt!
Wonder around Europe for 2 months
Go to gay pride in 3 different cities.
Dance Tango in Argentina.
See the Olympics
Have an “Awe Inspiring” Moment
Win an award
See something Majestic.
Meet Johnny Weir!
Travel Route 66
Go to all 50 States
Move to a coast! (Hopefully a warm one)
Punch someone in the FACE!
Give a stranger money (Not like a homeless person, just some random person)
Learn Graphic Design
Become a Life Coach
Be fit!
Save a life
Kiss someone with an accent
Kiss someone in the rain.
Have a blog post that reaches 100 views in a week.
Have a place that moves me to tears!
Exhale!
Get an IMDB profile (Which means I have to get my movie made)
Compete in an athletic event!
Do something completely out of character.
Dance in the street of another country and have it taped.
Learn a holistic healing practice.
Learn about the native people of our country from them.
Write a letter to someone in another country.
Throw a party with a guest list of over 100.
Have a Battani Family Reunion…ALL OF THEM!
See the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in Person.
Go to Mardi Gras in Sydney
Be naked for a whole day.
Meet all my Facebook Friends.
Go to a random conference, like Comic Con.
See all 50 top gay movies.
Meet a porn star!
Watch the sunset in someone’s arms.
Take a picture of me with three of the 7 wonders of the world.
Learn to lean on someone.
Get completely lost on a road trip with best friends.
Get another degree.
Make Love
Work at a gay bar
Visit P-Town
Visit Fire Island
White Party
Do something on this list.

Stupid Boi goes Insane!

2010-03-01T16:20:00.001-05:00

Today I start my Insanity workout! Yes, that is what I said Insanity. If you haven’t heard of it; it is the from the Beachbody people. They are the same people who make P90X which is my next work out. I chose this one because it is 60 days of really intense workouts! I am trying very hard to get back into shape.

This isn’t just coming out of nowhere. I am doing a social experiment over at Flirt with Stupid Boi! Check that out. One of the things I am supposed to do is overhaul my entire body image. I will be doing that by taking the time to workout, eat differently, and through some daily affirmation. I really think that increase exercise along with some other things will help me feel better about myself.

Tonight is the “Fit Test”. This is the video that helps us to gauge our progress. I am really reluctant to post any of that stuff on here, but if you ask nicely I will! I am just nervous because I haven’t worked out in a long time.

As they say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger! I just really hope that this doesn’t kill me! Well, wish me luck and in 60 days I will be the best shape of my life…guaranteed!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Just think this is cool!

2010-02-25T16:29:00.001-05:00

Hey~
I was just looking at my Google tracker thingy...(technical name) and I noticed that I could see what networks people are using to access the site...don't worry I can't see anything else other then the name. I just thought it was cool to see it. If you look someone from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control is number 7...Just thought it was cool!

Stupid Boi in the Pitts!

2010-02-25T15:46:00.001-05:00

I am Super EXCITED! I received a scholarship to the Microbicides Conference in May! It will be held in Pittsburgh, PA. I am really happy to get to go!

If you don’t know what that is:

http://www.microbicides2010.org/

http://www.global-campaign.org/

http://www.rectalmicrobicides.org/advocates.php (also in the side bar)

There is ton of information on these sites. Microbicides are a new intervention that is being test to see if it is effective against transmitting HIV. New, effective interventions mean that more people will have more options for protection. The more options the less transmission is the hope!

Even if you don’t care you should just be happy that I get to go and learn all of the new and exciting things going on in the world of HIV prevention.
YAY,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi and Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals

2010-02-22T18:03:00.001-05:00

I just came back from the traveling exhibit “Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals 1933-1945”. This was at the Indiana Memorial Union on IU’s campus. It consists of some panels that discuss the persecution of the Male homosexual. Lesbians we often safe because of the place of Germen women in society and the fact that they could still bare children. This was very eye opening! If we as modern gay men could only imagine what it was like to treated like common criminals. Rounded up, and forced to wear our sexuality on our sleeves. Not only to be forced into camps with other prisoner but to be at the bottom of that prison system.

As for the Alternative, forced to remain hidden within our own lives, no community, no pride, no gay bars. I have heard many people compare the struggle of the gay American to that of other minority groups. I agree and disagree with those statements. While there are some similarities, GLBT people in the US have never endured the type of torture that our German brothers have. We were never forced to live in squalor in the fear that everyday could be the day we die.

I know this post isn’t going to be popular, but I have to say, I am grateful for all of the things I have. I may not have all the rights to marriage, and may be treated like a second class citizen; I don’t fear death everyday! I don’t have to feel like I have to make sure that I am dressed a certain way, or act a certain way just so that the SS troops won’t pick me up. I am not forced to leave my home, my country, my family, to endure the physical, mental, and sexual torture that these men and women endured.

The one thing that I learned today is that the Nazi’s didn’t actually make up any laws to carry out this unprecedented act of violence against Homosexuals. Paragraph (§) 175 was actually enacted in the late 20’s and was not repealed until the 90’s. This is a far cry from what we view Germany as today.
I am really glad that I saw this exhibit. It moved me to learn more not only about my racial/ethnic heritage but my sexual one as well.

If you want more information about the exhibit check out www.ushmm.org.

Stupid Boi's Social, but not really scientific, experiment!

2010-02-16T17:53:00.001-05:00

So, I have written a lot about “Those” people in the gay community. If you don’t know what I am talking about read the past blogs. I was thinking…what if it isn’t those people, what if it’s we the people? I am talking more in terms of dating. So I did some research online…not too academic of course…but I did find some interesting stuff.

There are a number of Social Workers, Life Coaches, etc. claiming to be the “Gay Messiah” when it comes to dating. Now I am not the type of person who will follow blindly, but some of the stuff they were saying was pretty typical. You need to have high self-esteem, be yourself…yada, yada.

Here I am trying to even get looked at and these people have all the answers! I have decided to do something crazy…follow blindly! I have taken some of the most interesting advice and paired it with some of the most common sense advice. For the next 60 days, starting March 1st, I will be running my own little experiment. You can check out my journal on www.FlirtwithStupidBoi.blogspot.com. I have set up this little, none scientific, experiment to see what I have going on. I am going into this with an open mind…and to keep me open minded…I have enlisted some checks and balances. Here’s a little breakdown on my experiment.

Before March 1st:
I will conduct an anonymous survey to see what my friends think about my current state of affairs. To see this survey check here: Click here to take survey
After I collect some of those results I will analyze them and post them for you all too see.
If you know me, Please take the survey and be honest…brutally honest!

The Rules of Engagement:
1) I will continue to maintain my social calendar for the duration of the experiment.
2) I will add one new social “Gay” related event every week.
3) I will not give out my number unless someone asks for it.
4) I will go out with whoever asks me out on a date. (No exceptions)
5) Cursing, one night stands, internet dates, and “hook-ups” are not permitted. Face to Face Contact.
6) I will keep a journal of every event, how many people approached me, how many people I approached, how many numbers I received, my feeling and attitudes if I go on a date, and age ranges and demographic information.
7) My “keepers” will report weekly on the progress.
8) My job or work related meeting do not count as “meetings”.
9) I will update my blog at least once a week.

Here are the behaviors I will change:
1) Solid self-esteem, exude confidence, and appear relaxed and self-assured: to do this I will in list the help of some anti-anxiety techniques, daily affirmations, and a complete overhaul of my perceived body image.
2) Show my sense of humor, and laugh…genuinely.
3) Work on my social skills: try not to dominate the conversation, and be more interested in what others have to say.
4) Read social cues: but not read into them!
5) Be assertive: create boundaries and cope with rejection in a positive self affirming way.
6) Do not use pick up lines: “Do you have a keg in your pack pocket…”
7) Read books on social psychology, mingling, communication, and flirting from the Gay perspective.

Outcomes:
1) Have a better understanding of how to flirt.
2) Improve social skills.
3) Actually have a date.
4) Fall in love and adopt Children from this year’s favorite adoption country… okay that is more long term but you know.

So that is the experiment! Wish me luck!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Doing Laundry with Stupid Boy!

2010-01-17T14:57:00.002-05:00

So today is Sunday… Funday? Probably not! I am sitting in the Laundromat on 3^rd street in Bloomington, I chose this one because it has free WiFi. It is a small little place that has a few machines. I forgot how expensive it was to do laundry on your own. It is always better to have your mother do it, LOL.

The past couple of days I actually went out and did something. Friday night, in an effort to curb my Social Anxiety, I went to Uncle E’s…alone. I had to text my friends back home because, as I told them, I was shaking like a “Virgin at a gang bang”. I did talk to some people, I actually saw someone from South Bend. They actually remembered me before I remembered them. It was a little experiment for myself to see if I could get it together and not actually panic and leave.

I find it funny how all day long I can talk to the most random people, listen to their stories, and give guidance (hopefully); yet at the same time have an issue with being alone in a Gay bar. These are my people. I should be in my element there, alas, I am not.

I know I have referred to it a couple of times, but, I think a major part of my anxiety is my own insecurities and the cannibalistic gay culture that we have. I actually have been talking to some of the people I meet here about that. Even someone who our culture would say is attractive has the same insecurities that I do. Isn’t that funny? I guess that just goes to show that sometimes, that social anxiety is in the eye of the beholder. So I overcame that evening with great success! I am very happy for myself because that is a step in the right direction.

Anyway, I want to tell you about this dream I had last night. In this dream I was driving drunk and hit and killed someone. Who happened to be from Australia; for some reason I had to go to Australia after that. I remember feeling this complete sense of guilt and dread. It was the weirdest thing. Right before I woke up, I was concerned about making sure that my driver’s license wasn’t going to be revoked. Not that I might end up in jail, just that I had a driver’s license.

Then things got really strange. I was at a Speedway gas station, and I could see this person that I know about to get beat with a bat in the head. So I charged the two people with my car and the guy started chasing my car. Well, because of the Carwash I was trapped and then he started shooting. (Rude!) All the while the employees of said Speedway didn’t even notice. Then it turned into a scene from “Set It Off”, and Queen Latifah came round the corner and saved me.

I don’t know what I did to get that dream? I have not recollection of ever having a bad dream in my life; so this one goes down as the first. I think the moral of the story is Don’t Drink and Drive to Australia, but if you save someone’s life at a Speedway, Queen Latifah will help you set it off.

It is simply amazing what our subconscious will put together at night. I can pick out some of the things out of that dream. Like for instance, I have family who live in Australia and a friend of my date my cousin who moved here. Well, I saw that friend last night, that explains that. The whole bat thing comes from the controversy surrounding the Observer. (See previous post) Finally, someone’s Facebook status was about “Set it Off” the other day; other then that I have no clue. You got any insight?

Well that’s my 578 words for today. I hope you all have a good week, wish me luck….I start my job tomorrow.

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi's First Week in Bloomington, Indiana

2010-01-15T22:51:00.003-05:00

Well this has been a week. I have moved to Bloomington, and apparently the world is coming to an end. I am currently borrowing internet from various locations. I have to set up my internet connection for my apartment. Until then I will post from various locations.

I want to talk about a couple of things in this post. First off, I have only 4 channels. All of which is PBS. I have the IU version of PBS, then PBS Create, PBS World and V (A Spanish channel). This has given me a new found appreciation for Public Broadcasting; if you have never watch check it out. (Sesame Street comes on at like 8 ish)

This city is full of one way streets. I have to drive down one street passed my apartment then turn and then turn again to get home. This is a hassle. I start work on Monday at 7:30 am, which is the day of my orientation. I have only met a few people that I will be working with. I love the idea of my new job and so I know that I will love the position.

So on to more important world events. Let me take a moment to talk about Haiti. What a tragedy. I hope that the world powers do what they are planning to do. I have to applaud President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton for their prompt response. It is my belief that to be a “World Power”, we must also be benevolent to those in need.

Since I only have limited access to the media, I have not had much exposure. I did watch Charlie Rose this evening on PBS World. He really did a great job putting things in perspective for me. Anderson Cooper was reporting from Haiti and talked about the devastation and how difficult it was to get supplies to those who need it. Rose also had a member of “Doctor’s Without Borders” and “Unicef”, both of which had stated that they had been in Haiti for a while providing services prior to the earthquake.

They both made some great points. Both of the organization’s buildings and facilities have been destroyed. The one thing that really stuck out for me was the lady from Unicef said that it is important to make sure that they have the funding to protect the children who are lost or orphaned by the earthquake. People will take advantage of this and “traffic” these children into slavery or sex trade. If you have the resources please help these people. The most important things we can do is offer them unrestricted funds to care for whatever they need.

On to something closer to home… Apparently on January 13, 2010 “The Observer” a newspaper from the University of Notre Dame ran a cartoon that was incredibly offensive. The language was something along the lines of “How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A Baseball Bat.” Hello! I know ND’s stance on GLBTQ issues but that went toooooooooooooooo Far. Tonight a friend called me to tell me that apparently the original punch-line was “AIDS”. I don’t know how accurate that is…BUT FOR REAL? So much for HIGHER EDUCATION. I cannot believe as a Gay man that this is still going on. Calling for Violence against the GLBTQ community is so un-Catholic. I feel like I left South Bend and not even a week later ND acted a hot mess. Don’t make me come up there!

Other then that life is wonderful. I hope you all have a great weekend…I am gonna try! New City, same old Stupid Boi….let’s see what happens!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

To Megan, Love Stupid Boi

2009-12-28T15:19:00.000-05:00

Dear Megan,

Since you died I haven’t really thought about it. When I got the message from Thaddeus I didn’t know what to do. At the time I was on tour and couldn’t really think about things. Today however is different!

Something told me to look thorough old pictures on Facebook. Not that I haven’t seen them a million times before, today was different. I finally came to terms with the fact that you are gone. I miss you so much!

You were my very first friend in Iowa City. I remember when I started working at Rue 21 and you were my manager. That was the beginning of everything. We were together everyday. You were there when things got really tough and there to make me laugh with all the crazy things we did.

I sat here thinking about all the times that we stayed up at night and laughed, the night that someone through the bottle at your foot and you had the paramedics call me to take you to the hospital at 3 am. That blood stain was there until the day I sold that car…LOL. The time we escaped to Cornell to eat pizza and walk the solar system. All the nights we stood in the alley outside of Studio and ran down to Pizza on Dubuque.
I looked at all the old Facebook messages that you sent me to come back soon. I have tons of pictures of you and I. I have all the memories in my heart! I finally cried today. I realized that I have lost not only a good friend, but a piece of my heart.

I miss you sooooo much!

XOXO,

Patricio!

Stupid Boi starts a new Adventure.

2009-12-28T12:56:00.003-05:00

As we move into the New Year, I resolve to be more proactive in keeping my blog alive. I am also moving to a new city that will bring new and exciting things. So I want to drop you all a line and let you know, I haven’t forgotten about you. I have been updating the Project FIERCE blog and neglecting my own.

So Stupid Boi is off on a new adventure. Bloomington, Indiana. This is where I will start over. Hit the reset button if you will. I will plan on making 2010 a great year chalk full of things that are only in my imagination.

This year I will be going places. The Gay Man’s Health Summit is this year….I have to get into shape for that, cause it is in Florida. I have to have runway ready!

Well Hope the New Year finds you in good health, better company, and with new adventures.

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

An Open Letter to my Facebook Friends List...Love Stupid Boi

2009-09-04T10:35:00.001-04:00

I feel so inspired today! I am smiling and happy, it is Friday and we are going into a three day weekend. That is not the source of my inspiration. The source of my inspiration is my friends list of Facebook. It is truly a diverse cast of characters! So I am writing to thank some people on there!

To my Gay Brothers:
Thank you for being Beautiful and Unique! You have truly empowered, inspired, and lifted me. Without you my world would be dull and grey. Being Gay is a true blessing! I feel so honored to count myself among the ranks of a group of people who can rise above the hate and pain, and find love, where love is overdue. Please love each other! I just hope we stop turning in onto each other based on appearance. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL! We come in all different shapes, sizes, and flavors! While Vanilla is great sometimes you just want to taste the Pasticcio to find out if you like it. Just take a sample of all the flavors our community has to offer!

To my Lesbian Sisters:
Thank you for being the care takers of our community. For holding us up as we struggled against the beast of this Pandemic. Thank you for standing beside us and fighting with us. Without you and your amazing strength we would not be able to rise above the tides that try to hold us back. My wish for you is that you continue to show strength in the face of adversity. Someone needs to keep us bois in line…lol!

To my Bisexual Brothers & Sisters:
I have not forgotten about you! I truly appreciate you for staying with the community! I know that sometimes it is hard to feel that you are apart of the Rainbow Alphabet; but we are working to change that. You have show amazing courage of conviction when it comes to your staying power. Thank you for helping fight for our rights. I promise that I will continue to make sure that there is Bi-Visibility! I am sorry for those of us who have made the comments or remarks. I welcome you all into my community! Love is Love is Love! Even if that love is straight, LOL.

To my Transgender, Queer, Two Spirited, Intersex, and other wise inclined Family:
I know it is sometimes hard to see yourself as a part of our community. I am truly sorry for that. However, YOU ARE AMAZING PEOPLE! To have the strength to say, “I am who I am, Love me!” is amazing! I have learned so much from you! I learned to love myself. It is simply amazing to feel the warmth of your community. Please continue to pave the road to equality! You are a part of my community, I love you and I will continue to fight hard!

Straight Brother and Sisters:
I know you’re there…I will find you…lol! I want to thank those of you who stand with my community. It is great to have you as a part of our extended family. It is okay that you are not gay…we still love you! I have found so many allies in your community. Those people who truly just want equality for all. A very good friend of mine, who I love, told me I don’t agree with you but I love you just the same. That is an act of revolution! To love in the face of disagreement. You are all beautiful as well! Thank you.

To all of my Brothers & Sisters in the Fight Against HIV/AIDS:
What can I say to you? WOW! You have changed the World! Really you have! You have mobilized communities, forced Governments to take action, and made the world look! AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING! Don’t forget that! I know the road is rough, believe me, the road is rough. Money is tight, politics get in the way. Just remember where we came from! Just don’t forget those we have lost and remember that that tally mark is a person!
I heard someone say “if your sick of fight then sit the fuck down!” I agree and disagree. Some of us have been fighting so long that it is hard, take a break but never give up. I know that there are not millions of people knocking at our door to take over! Just have a seat; I will pick up the slack, because if I need a break I know you will be there! Never Pass the Torch, just light someone else’s!

If you feel I left you out I am sorry, but you are in there somewhere. I know it looks as though I forgot my family, but I haven’t because at the end of the day, no matter what was said or done, family is family and will be there for me.

That is what I wanted to share with the world today. Thanks for reading!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi: Mentally Ill or Just a little coo-coo?

2009-09-01T23:11:00.002-04:00

Where do I begin? I am having a good change at the moment. However, the quitting smoking thing is getting a little rough! But I press on for my Health! Now that I have my physical health under way…I should start working on my other two health aspects…Spiritual and Psychological. I think I will leave spiritual to last cause that is gonna take some major renovation.

In 1999 my doctor told me after complaining about back pain… “You’re just depressed and the pain is psychosomatic”. So he put me on anti-depressants, and I went crazy! So I quit taking them because I don’t think I was the only one in the room that day with mental issues.

After ending a three year relationship, I began to feel really out of control of my worrying. I got nervous for nothing, etc. So I went to counselor. She told me well maybe you have anxiety. I went to my PCP and he gave me Lexapro…and Xanax to sleep. I never took the Xanax, but the Lexapro helped a little.

So that is where I am at…really at a crossroads of what is really going on in my brain? Some people tell me that I could have Adult ADD! I am going crazy just trying to figure out everything. What I do know is that being in the sun and taking walks helps me calm down. Writing this blog…helps me not be so fing crazy. I just wish that it was easier to diagnose mental illness. (BTW I hate that term)

I don’t know why I wrote this blog…it just came out of nowhere…maybe in the interest of full disclosure, maybe to garner some insight. Let me know what you have to say about this! Do you have mental illness and how do you deal? Or Am I just Crazy and that’s the way it is?

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Please help us...help you!

2009-08-25T00:48:00.001-04:00

If you are a man who has sex with other men in Indiana, Please take this survey if you haven't already! I would really appreciate it. All information collected is anonymous. It is a survey to assess the needs of men who have sex with men in Indiana to better develop programs for HIV/STD Prevention.

Click Here to take survey

Stupid Boi Left his Cake Out in the Rain!

2009-08-24T14:39:00.001-04:00

What a perfect way to end a perfect week! Last week was very transformative for me! After the LGBTI Health Summit, I came home to my little minded Midwestern town. Well the “Dommers” are back in session, this should be interesting! That means ND football season, where drunk and stupid are the name of the game.

I digress, Saturday night was awesome. I stayed home until I had to go to help clean up a work event at 9pm. When I arrived it was chilly but that didn’t matter. Then it began to rain. The only problem is, that this is an outdoor event. Well things need to get done, so I took off my sweatshirt and my flip-flops and ventured into the pouring, cold rain to clean up.

This was amazing, as the cold drops hit my skin, I began to feel beautiful. Like this was washing away all the years of ugliness that I have felt! I felt alive, I felt invigorated. It was the strangest experience. I don’t know if I am still on the high of the Health Summit or things are beginning to change. I guess we will have to wait and see…that’s why everyday in an adventure.

Stupid Boi Goes to The National LGBTI Health Summit

2009-08-19T23:22:00.001-04:00

What I have witnessed over the last couple of days has been extremely terrifying. I went to the National LGBTI Health Summit in Chicago. I watched as hundreds of people converged on the Hilton Hotel across from Grant Park and began to talk about issues surrounding our health. There was a lot of talk of HIV/AIDS, but there were quite a few of other things discussed.

Let me first tell you where I was when I went to this conference. First I was frustrated because I had to pay for everything myself. My initial thought was “This better be worth it!” I arrived in Chicago Thursday night and met my friend Thaddeus, cause I was staying with him. We went back to his apartment and caught up about old Iowa stories and what we’ve been doing. It’s hard to say this but I feel like I have fallen down.

Friday: Gay but not Narrow!
I walked into the front doors of the Hilton Hotel and Towers. It is a GRAND old hotel, quite lovely. I was abruptly greeted with a big sign that say “BISEXUAL HEALTH SUMMIT”. I obviously knew I was in the right place! At that moment I felt really uncomfortable with this brightly coloured sign. I thought what are people gonna think of me if they see me walking into this room clearly labeled “Bisexual”. I don’t know if it was my internalized Homophobia or Biphobia. I walked up the grand stairs to the registration table where I was met with smiles. They handed me a badge with my name and a Manhunt lanyard. Then they asked me a question that I have never been asked before; “Are you Bi or a Bi Ally?” That question through me for a loop. I really didn’t know how to respond. I chose Bi Ally, cause I am a gay man.

For a moment I felt really out of the loop. For once I was an ally to a community instead of seeking them out. I felt kinda like the outsider looking in on this group. I took my place at the table and listened to everything that they said. I was so interested in hearing what people had to say because it was now REALLY important to me as an Ally. I figured in the past since I have included the “B” in the rainbow alphabet I was doing what I was supposed to. Boy, was I wrong! I learned so much that telling you about all of it right now would be lengthy. I realized there are health disparities within the Bi community that are so different from that of the L&G communities.
That summit came to an end and it was time for the opening ceremony of the LGBTI Health Summit. This was hosted by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Abbey of the Windy City Sisters. When you walked in there was a table with a white sheet on it and a card that said “What are you ashamed of?” Well that was a shock, after much hesitation I got up walked over and wrote:

“That I never learned how to make myself happy without pulling others down”

I couldn’t believe that I had actually written that on this sheet for everyone to see! The Sisters then performed a ritual where they “Expiated Guilt”. Then there was a bar crawl through Boystown.

Saturday: So it begins
This morning was hard to get up for! I walked back through the hotel to the 5th floor where I went to workshops on HIV, different studies, and workshops on PrEP (Pre-exposure Prophylaxes) and Anal Microbicides. I learned a lot of information that I didn’t know about these things. My mind began to feel full already and it was only the first day! That evening there was a meet and greet at the Center on Halsted. So I headed to Boystown on the red line to meet and greet. We were given a tour of this AMAZING center. I meet really awesome people, had some conversation.

Sunday: Running Scared
On Sunday we continued to do workshops and talk about the things going in the HIV world. I began to get a little scared because I was presenting at the end of the conference. I knew that I would have to step up my gay-me! We walked through the day and I listened to people talk about things that were sometime just either over my head or just not that interesting. I began to notice something though…people were actually being respectful to each other.

There is often this phenomena that happens when gay men get into a room together, we begin to divide into sub groups. The A-Gays, Bears, Losers, etc. Although those group lines were there it was not that people were making an effort to be exclusive.
Sunday night we were supposed to have a reception, however, that go canceled. So Sister Flo performed a ritual where we created a ball of joy to take with us into this world. We stood in a big circle in the middle of the Hilton, holding hands with a man with a white face and dressed as a nun. It was actually awesome!

Monday: Start again and rewind the tape!
So Monday comes and I honestly had a hangover from the night before. So I went to my workshops and learned more about HIV, Transgender issues, etc. That night we had a forum on Barebacking at the Center on Halsted. So I again got on the Red line and headed down there. I talked to people who were around me and sat and listened to the forum talk about this subject which become a volatile conversation. After that I walked down Boystown to head home because I knew I had to be up in the morning to present. I wondered down the street and tried to process the things I was feeling, learning, and wondering about.

I got back to the apartment and I took a shower and sat there. As I began to go through my presentation, tears ran down my face. I was ANGRY, EXCITED, SAD, FRUSTRATED, AND HAPPY. So the only way to express those emotions was to cry. I thought about why I was crying, I realized two major things:

My own insecurities hold me back from being who I once was and I began to heal. My community has always felt hostile and cruel. I have always felt that I wasn’t good enough to be a “gay man”. I began to heal that hurt and pain that I played victim to my whole life. I know that my community is cruel but I still fight for it! I want to see my brothers and sisters survive and thrive, even if they put me down or treat me like an outsider.

Tuesday: Don’t Ever Let Me Go.

My presentation went well and I felt empowered but this. This was the last day and it is always hard to go back to work. I learned a lot! Not only about information but about who I am. I believe that this was a Health Summit that is both educational and healing.
Will I ever be whole and okay? Maybe, maybe not, but at least I don’t have worry about feeling left out anymore. I realize my own strengths and see the faults in my community. I know that I have to distance myself from things for a while and rediscover who I am.

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

2009-08-13T12:55:00.003-04:00

Heading to Chicago for the National LGBTI & Bi Health Summit! Tonight drinks at Minibar at 630.

Stupid Boi does Inventory

2009-05-19T12:40:00.001-04:00

So last night I lay awake in bed taking a personal inventory on my life. I sometimes do this because I have to look at all the things that I have done. I usually break them down into categories cause I am OCD like that. So I thought that I would blog about it.

Money: Now I have a job that I actually like doing. Thank G*D! It helps to pay the bills but I could stand to have more money. I mean who really doesn’t want more money? Even Bill Gates is figuring out ways to make more money. I don’t think that anyone would argue me on this one. I know that money doesn’t buy you happiness, but I would like to try! (LOL) For me it isn’t about having millions, it is about being comfortable. Having what I need when I need it. I am working on that. I must say it is hard.

Love: I have a lot of love. My family and friends love me…I think! I really don’t know what more you could want from people. Love is so important. It is what will make or break you. There have been scientific studies on that. It is important to feel loved by someone. There is more to this thought; I want to fall in love with someone one day. I hope and wish for that day to come. Sex is sex and that is an action, but it is so much more important when you actually have feelings for the person that you are having sex with. I really don’t know how these porn stars do it? I couldn’t be that intimate with someone that I didn’t care about. I guess I will just have to continue to wait for the love of my life. Sometimes it is so hard not to search for that person in someone who isn’t what is good for you. I know that! I have learned that lesson so many times, often the hard way. Maybe I fall in love too quickly; maybe I am just glutton for punishment.

Good Person? There are many people who would argue that that I am not a good person. Maybe I wasn’t to them. I try hard to be very nice to a lot of people. Sometimes I am just not that nice. Maybe because there is something about you that I just don’t like. My intuition tells me there is something wrong with you. I trust that because it has never lead me astray. If you don’t like me that is fine, but understand I really can’t put much merit into your hate. I try to help people. Maybe too much sometimes. I really don’t want people I care about to feel hurt or sad. Maybe I push sometimes to want to make okay.

Finally I always reevaluate my intentions. I want to make sure I am not being that person who has a hidden agenda. Often when I do this, I make sure that I tell the person involved what my real intentions are. I thought long and hard about my current friendships and relationships with others. I know the truly my friendships are pure on my end. I want nothing more from anyone else then just their friendship. As for my other relationships…I am not sure. Maybe I am just a “narcissistic self-promoting faggot” as I was told lately. Maybe I do care if I make a name for myself in this world. I have put in the work though, so I think I deserve it. I have work hard on my projects that are going to make me a name. So it really isn’t a hidden agenda it is really about being noticed for my work. It feels good to know that there are people who see what I have done. Will it make me millions, HELL NO, but it will open doors

So that is what I have to say today!
XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi Makes A Mixed Tape!

2009-05-17T23:23:00.000-04:00

Okay so here are some songs that I have been listening to on my iPod none stop lately…and the reasons why! This may get deep and long and defiantly emo!
1) Plain White T’s “1, 2, 3, 4”: So this song is just so feel good! You have to love it! It’s about love but all kinds of love. Romantic and Friendship! So just love it!
2) Natasha Bedingfield “Soulmate”: Just listen to the words. She is really touching me in this song because I feel that there is some in front of me that could be the one. Maybe I am just blind or stupid. I feel that she wants to believe that there is someone for everyone, but is skeptic. I am really skeptic right now. Like she said “somebody tell me why I’m on my own, if there’s a soulmate for everyone?”
3) Lifehouse “Everything”: I just want to find peace in my life! This song is about Jesus or something like that, I think! Even if you are not religious you can feel these words. If you have children, or a partner (that you love), or just the one GREAT friend, this song says so much. It is amazing how people can touch your life, mess up your life, or just amaze you! This is the greatest song to listen to when you are alone and pensive. It might just move you to doing something to make someone else’s day a little bit better. Someone amazes you…don’t they? Do something that tells them that! I just did!
4) Eric Hutchinson “Rock & Roll”: This is just a sweet song! This song lifts my sprits! Such a driving song. I also feel like he is singing this about me…listen to the lyrics…I think the second part is about Argenta (LOL)! Just an awesomely cute song by a good vocalist.
5) John Mayer “Dreaming With a Broken Heart”: Oh you cute little mother fer. I think we can all feel this. Just loves lost and found. Still makes you smile thought for some reason. I think for me, it is knowing that I have had those moments but over them now! Then some of the lyrics remind me of a situation that I am in right now. He talks about being taken in and letting go, what would it take to get your attention? “Do I have fall asleep with roses in my hands?”
6) Céline Dion “Fade Away”: This is just like John Mayer…only a little darker! This is so angry about love. “Once touch by pain!” However she is really saying to let those dark clouds just fade away. Really actually listen to this song! I have been trying to tell you this for a min now! (You know who you are!) “So let the clouds that bring you down, just fade away!” Not to mention this BITCH can BLOW! OKAY< OKAY! (Fuck all the Céline Haters, don’t be mad my Diva is cooler than yours LOL)
7) Céline Dion “This Time”: This is not really a song that has any real deep hidden message! It is about domestic violence. It is SO POWERFUL! I think I will do this once. You should at least listen to this one time.
8) Céline Dion “Right Next to the Right One”: Enough said! Am I? Are you? Who knows maybe were just too busy waiting for the cookies to bake! Can you understand that? “In the end you’ve got a friend for lifetime, truly there to truly care for you!”
9) Carolina Liar “Show Me What I’m Looking For”: I am so lost in this world, if someone could show me what I’m looking for, that would be great! I have learned to love abuse, so save me I’m lost! I just really feel this song for some reason. I just need a little help (NO COMMENTS NEEDED). Maybe I do have it together and it’s the rest of the world who is messed up? I have been waiting for you, where is my knight in shining armor. I guess I will just be stuck on this rock forever.
10) Alphaville “Forever Young”: This is what I am in my own mind! This is the gay community in a nut shell! All of us running around trying to be forever young!
11) Norah Jones “Come Away With Me”: Yeah! This song takes me away to my happy place. I see me and the love of my life just running away together (Dream Sequence)! No, I don’t know who the love of my life is, but is nice to dream. Norah just produces these images that anyone can fall for. You know that it will be you one day, Thanks Norah for letting me feel that for one min. Oops just started crying…lol that was so beautiful.
12) Beyoncé “Halo”: I must be the only one who likes this song. I just think it’s great. I think I found someone like this, even if he doesn’t see it. Not that I am in love with him but my walls are down. “I can see your Halo”. You goofy bitch, wake up and stop being so stupid. Alas, we can’t make anyone love us, even though they already do! Told you, you were scared…keep pushing cause I already told you “Call me a bitch, and I’ll show you one!
13) Spring Awakening (Musical) “Those You’ve Know”: This song is so very intrusive. It makes you think about things that you need to think about. It is about people from the past and those in your future. “Without them the world grows dark around you”. Those people you have hurt and those people who have hurt you. It also tells you “Don’t you know you’ve left them far behind, you walk on by yourself and not with them.” So let them go already. Learn from the past, don’t live there!
So that is my list. I hope I didn’t take too much time. Tell me what you are listening to today! Maybe we can share a moment or two. Maybe one of those moments are the ones that will take your breath away!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi Perfect? Maybe!

2009-04-24T12:50:00.001-04:00

When you say “he think’s he is perfect…but he is not!” you are just building me up. Those are your words! Please understand that! Every single time you open your mouth about me…it make people more intrigued. So you’re only doing me a favor.

You my friend are scared and insecure. Someone once told me that those who make fun of you are your biggest fans, they are just insecure about whom they are and want to be you. That’s okay…aspire to be me! I appreciate that!

In the last week alone I have heard people call me amazing, wonderful, and a great friend! I am sorry that you chose to not see those things. This is the reason you will never be happy in your own life…you’re too busy looking into mine.

Will you find faults…oh please…I am full of them…but I chose to embrace the fact that I am only human and that I will make mistakes. I know people who love that about me. Why can you not see that?

My wish for you…that one day you can be more like me! Is that narcissistic of me to say…maybe! Maybe I do think I am perfect…why shouldn’t I? I was created in His likeness…and He is perfect!

Stop trying so hard…and live YOUR Life. I am sorry that you never had your chance; that is not my fault. But Like I always say “Keep my name in your mouth…you’ll only make me famous!”

XOXO,

Stupid Boi!

Stupid Boi has a moment!

2009-03-10T14:40:00.002-04:00

After last night I began to know what is important and what is not. Good friends, fun, and just a sense of being is what are the most important things. Everything else is just gravy! Take your car for instance. You have your standard car…no options…just a body, wheels and an engine. Not the most attract thing on the road…but it gets you where you are going. It is really when you add all of those expensive extras that things get complicated. It seems that with every feature there is some bell, button, light that goes off when something is wrong. Most cars come "standard" now with a radio, power locks and windows and electric seats. Those are the standards…

On Star…
There are some things that some cars now come with that are standard. Like Chevy has onstar. Where you push a button and you can get anything. By the way the commercials sound it like always having a really good friend to talk to when you need help. Well guess what it is a lie! Yeah, they will be there for you when you get hurt, or accidentally lock your child in the car…but in the end you end up paying for something that really isn't useful!
Much to my surprise I have found that in some of the people that I recently have become accustom too. Honestly….they are just using you to get the information that they want. So I say “BOO YOU WHORE!" You need a life, get your own life, and grow the fuck up!

Furthermore…
There are certain people who continue to think that they are much more special then everyone else. I am guilty of this sometimes…but I at least see the error of my ways. You have to learn when you are given an opportunity that you should take it….not take advantage of it! How dare you continue to think that you are that special. You see the rest of us struggle under the weight of life and yet somehow you still continue to think that you deserve something! NURP! I think not…Does that sound bitter too you? Good cause it is. I mean I work my ass off to get what I got. I have been treated like shit, made fun of, and to think you are doing the exact thing! Yes talk your shit….cause you know what I always tell them hoes that have my name in their mouth…do what you do best and swallow!

Friends and Foes
Some people have misconstrued what I have written before. If you thought that I was talking about you then maybe it was a clue…if you don't like me stay off my blog baby! That is so simple…why would you continue to come somewhere just to get pissed off. Think about it fool! I love you and you know that….
Sometimes I feel that I am talking in circles….and maybe the right people are not reading this. Maybe they are and just too stupid to understand! So I will continue to write my thoughts… like it or not! Love me…hate me…do what you gotta do but just let me do me! I would appreciate that!
I know that this sounds like it is coming from a strange place. This happens to be about six months of emotions that are just coming out. I am tried of playing second string…when first string has no talent! I will no longer wait in the wings, stand behind you…I want the spotlight and guess what baby….I am one mean BITCH!
Check me out! Watch out! And Get Out! Cause Here I am world….it's gypsy rose lee

Stupid Boi and the ass crack of dawn...DRAMA!

2009-02-26T15:34:00.001-05:00

I know that I haven’t written in a while so here goes this!

I want to know why, since we are adults, you act like a FUCKING high school student? Just answer that question and I will be cool.

Here is a little back story! So I have this friend and for years I have played the games, did the counseling thing. I am done. Every single time we go to the bar this friend would start crying for something that happened years ago. Really? Let that shit go already. It is over and done with, learn and move forward!

Recently, I met some of my friends other acquaintances. It appears that these other people are not to keen on my friend. Oh well, not my problem right? WRONG! I ended up going out with a group of these other people and having a great time. Well, it was one person’s birthday so I tagged along to the bar they went too.

Around 12:30 I got a text message that I didn’t see from my friend. Then another at 12:45 and another at 12:55. The first one was “how is west winds” (which was the bar we were at)

First of all how do you know where I am? I didn’t tell you, nor did these people invite you. So then I got “Why didn’t you invite me?” and then “are you ignoring me, just tell me!” WAIT that is some psycho shit right there!

So I texted back saying that I was singing and in the restroom, she preceded to throw the classic pity party saying “I don’t know why …hates me? But don’t tell her”. This is not news to anyone in the group! Everyone knows you think, she hates you!

So Saturday night everyone was in the same place, from what I gather someone said something to my friend about the whole situation. Let’s fast forward…one week at 4 am.

Picture it! 4 am, I am in bed…now I get this message “you lied…I’m done!”

My thought processes…”What the fuck…who the fuck it texting me…this better be fucking good or your dead bitch!”

I responded with “What are you talking about?” She proceeded to tell me that I told someone she think this other person hates her. AGAIN NEED TO STRESS…NOT NEW TO ANYONE!

So I kinda went the fuck off. “OMG really? Someone proved it well really be done cause I can’t go through this every weekend. I am sorry your beef with **** is yours not mine. You need to deal with that. I do care about you but this eleventh hour breakup type stuff is getting old. I am not gonna be made out to be the bad person or feel guilty about what I do in my life. Sorry if that angers you but that’s where I stand” at 4:27 am

I am sure I could have handled it a little easier but I was tired and you waited a week and until you were drunk and 4 am to deal with this. GET A FUCKING LIFE!

That’s the MO really! Passive aggressive type shit! No more for me thank you! Could this really get any more High School…wait actually it can cause this is the exact same thing that happened in high school, with the same person, for four years!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi
PS Funny story the blog before this was about the same person...How funny! Obviously not a new problem!

Argentum Speaks his Mind!

2009-01-05T12:41:00.000-05:00

Where have all the good ones gone? Really I want to know? Everyone has such emotional baggage these days. Look we have all been hurt and I am not saying you don’t deserve to be guarded but DAMN! It just seems that some people just hold on to that…they use it as some sort of cop out! Are you gonna be alone the rest of your life? Yeah I didn’t think so.

I am so tired of people dwelling on issues that are in the past…I know it shapes the future but REALLY! I mean I guess I am blessed to have a life that is great! Have I had problems? Oh HELL YEAH….but recently I learned to move past them. Look at all the things that I do have and am grateful for that.

I am especially tired of hearing about THE SAME FUCKING THING FOR THE 800TH FUCKING TIME, THIS FUCKING WEEK! SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY….THAT SHIT HAPPENED FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO….FUCKING GET OVER IT ALREADY!

God that felt good! Sorry I digress. I tell my friends when they break up that they have two days 48 hours…24 to be sad and 24 to break shit and be angry. That is it after that I tune you out. Not because I don’t care but because after a while all you are wanting is a pitty party. Honey, I’ll throw you a party…but mine are fun!

I just want to know where the mature, sensible, attractive, educated, porn-star like men are? (OKAY…that is a little much….I mean they don’t have to be sensible! LOL) I know that I have said I am happy being alone and I truly am. It just would be nice to find someone who is worth the time and effort. I guess I will just keep waiting cause I know that one day my Prince will come!

So for those of you who are reading this, just understand that I am not saying that you cannot have your issues…I am just saying cancel my subscription!

XOXO,
Argentum

Stupid Boi has a Vision...Board

2008-12-25T17:18:00.001-05:00

VisionBoard, originally uploaded by p_battani.

So this is my vision board for 2009...or at least part of it. I hope that you all will send some positive energy to me. I know I will achieve these things this year!

I have set some personal goals...which are obvious

and Project FIERCE is a project I am working on at work...I really would like to have $40,000 and a mobile testing unit to do more outreach! These would be some great things to have! Let me know if you all have any ideas! I know these things are attainable...I just have to believe that I can obtain them!

XOXO,

Stupid Boy

Stupid Boi since The Secret.

2008-12-18T18:42:00.000-05:00

Since I read the book The Secret, I have begun to recognize that it is no joke. When I think back about all the things in my life that I have had "Happen" to me, I wonder how did I bring this on myself. I have noticed that there is a lot of things that need to change in my life before I can achieve the goals I want to achieve.

I have eliminated the negative people in my life. I realized that they would only bring me down. I have been so much more happy lately. It has really been an eye opener. I have even started to notice things that I have not noticed before. The little things in life that make life more fun and happy. Like today, I went to Starbucks and got a hot drink, in the lid there was a little stirrer. I noticed that the stirrer was there to keep the drink from spilling! Wow, they think of everything!

I noticed though that I have in the past and still sometimes criticized others. I do this so that I can hurt them before they hurt me. I know that this is wrong…I recently learned of the Optimist Creed. It is great and keeps me focused on creating a better life for me.

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

I know that those are words on the page but they are more then that. Just read that a couple of times. I want to share with you some of the things that I have gained using the secret:

I am happier and enjoy life a lot more.

I have received free things in the past couple of weeks.

I received a check in the mail, unexpectedly.

I have made new friends who can help me on my path.

I hope that all of you will go out and read The Secret…I have the film if you want to see it. I think that it will have a great impact on your life.

10 honest things about Stupid Boi!

2008-12-13T17:32:00.003-05:00

Emily tagged me to blog 10 honest things about myself...This could get ugly! (I hope this is what you were looking for!)

10.If I am in the car alone I pretend I am being interviewed by Oprah!

9. I cheated on my Senor ACP American History Exam.

8. I sometimes dress in drag and go out alone to see if anyone notices me. I get hit on by str8 men sometimes.

7. I don't really like children all that much! They annoy me! I don't think I could be a father.

6. I believe I can have whatever I want...if I just ask for it!

5. I am writing a novel about people in my life...it is fiction.

4. There are only 4 people in my life that I will accept criticism from...none of them are my family. (I love my family...they just don't know me)

3. I am Gay...not stupid gay...homosexual gay...really gay! Like I open my mouth and my purse falls out gay...and I love it!

2. I believe in a Higher Power...and I pray...Yeah I said it!

1. I have confidence and an Alter Ego...in real life not just on paper!

TAG...I think Jamie is the only other person who Reads this.

Stupid Boi's Life Lessons 2008

2008-12-13T17:18:00.002-05:00

It has been a year! Wow so many things have changed. I just wanted to give you all some of the insight that I have learned this year. This year was about discovery of who I was. I have really learned a lot about who I am. So here is what I learned.

All that glitters isn't gold…sometimes it's just glitter.

I have learned that sometimes if it shiny and new, it isn't always right. I tried new things this year and not all of them were really worth that much other then the experience. Sometime what you think is valuable is just cheap pieces of shiny plastic.

Stand strong and carry a big stick!

I really learned to stand up for myself to people this year. If they won't listen then use the stick! I never advocate violence but sometimes that is the only thing that people respond to. I did not get into any fights this year, but I have give some really intimidating looks.

A fool and his money are easily parted!

This was an easy lesson to learn this year. We all know that. But I have learned that making bad financial decisions are at the heart of some problems.

A picture is worth a thousand words…and a million rumors.

I noticed lately that I have been the topic of some ideal chatter. There are rumors about me in the air but I have learned that most often those rumors are not true. I have be romantically linked to a number of people because of pictures on Facebook and Myspace. I say Keep my name in your mouth you are only making me Gaymous (Gay and Famous)!

Remember..you have to work in the morning!

This was difficult to comprehend because you always want to be out with friends. Sometimes it is better to let them wonder where you are then to show up and act a fool! And Getting up is really hard to do hungover!

Rome wasn't built in a Day!

That may be true…but someone dreamt it in one day. Follow your dreams regardless of what anyone tells you. This was a lesson that I so need to hear. I have so many dreams in this world and I know that I can make them all come true!

All's fare in love and war…but mostly war!

People can be so negative. I know I have written about this before but…How can everyday be the worst day of your life? I just want to know. I have learned that I have to remove the negative people from my life and stand strong on that.

When your at the end of your rope…make a noose!

This is not advocating Suicide! Basically this means that when you are in a situation that you can't be in anymore…leave or kill that situation. I have learned that I have know when to hold 'em and know when to walk away!

You can always come home!
At the end of the day I have had my fun. Made new friends, made some changes and become someone who I am much prouder of today then I was yesterday. But at the end of the day all I really need is to come home where it is warm and loving. SO here is to 2008…wasn't the greatest year…wasn’t the worst. Thanks for the memories!

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Hey Stupid Boi, happiness is only a bar stool away!

2008-12-06T13:58:00.000-05:00

Tonight was a good night. I got to think a lot about what it means to be who I am. I sat tonight at Vickie's bar doing outreach for work. I watched the people in the bar and how they acted to each other. You could tell that there was some unrequited love, some true love, some broken hearts, and some jaded people. All of these people had one thing in common. The were drinking away any sense of who they are.

I got to thinking, because I was sober, what is it that I want? I then realized that I was alone, romantically. I knew that at the end of the night I would be going home to my one bedroom apartment. I was alone…the funny thing is, is that I am happy. How could someone be alone and happy? That doesn't make any sense. So I continued to smile through the night…making small talk with different people. People continue to tell me how great my personality is and that I am doing good work. I appreciated that. I just felt as though something was wrong with me. How can someone be alone and happy?

When I smile, I know that it makes others smile too. I am pretty you know…lol! It's just that when people ask me what's wrong…I refuse to tell them because you are not really gonna take the time to change the way I feel. I then get asked how are you so positive? You have changed! Just because I chose to be happy doesn't mean that I am different. I chose to wake up in the morning and say…your are amazing and believe it. If you ask most people who know me they will tell you that I truly believe that I am a great person with many gifts to offer. I will make someone very happy! But first I want to make me happy!

Yes I want to find someone to love. But I truly believe in the fact that we own our own feelings. If I want to be happy alone then how does that make me a freak. It just does. We grow up hearing about how to be complete we have to find that special someone to make a life with. I say FUCK THAT! I am complete with who I am. So I realized I may be alone but I am not lonely.

In the words of Snow White…some day my prince will come. Someday I will fall in love again. I will wake up next to someone and think "God! You are so beautiful…I am so lucky!" I want to smile with someone, cry with someone and even hold them when it's cold outside. But who am I to decide when that is.

I know people say to find someone you have to stop looking. I agree and disagree with that statement. Yes you have to be okay with yourself. YOU have to be your boyfriend for a while, but you also have to pay attention to what is going on around you. You may miss your prince the first time around. This is hard to balance. Believe me I know, but you have to find that balance.

I saw this couple tonight…The one was the exact picture of who I want to be with. You know the person that you imagine yourself with. He was the most beautiful man…then I meet his beautiful partner…isn't ironic…don't cha think? I watched them for a while and it was so beautiful. They were perfect for each other. You could just tell that they were made to be together. That's what I want! If I have to sit a wait for it…I am okay with that.

I know this all sounds a little confusing…but I am a little tipsy…I didn't say I stayed sober. Ultimately, what I am saying is that I am happy with myself. Though some may see my confidence as a shield, and it is sometimes, I am truly happy. I just have to say…if I don't love myself…who will?

Argentum and Stupid Boi and the cute boi

2008-11-22T22:11:00.001-05:00

So….what have you done today? LOL Did you miss me? I am back after a night of deviation. You should know that I did what I set out to do…I had a good time. I love the time I get to spend outside of my own skin sometimes. As always I was FIERCE! Argentum is always FIERCE.
The Dance floor can be a life altering event! You don’t think so…that’s your problem. Think of it you can make or break yourself on the dance floor. If you look like an idiot then people will laugh at you…but if you are like me then you can show everyone what you’re made of. Think I am joking…let’s just say that I got paid for my dance moves last night. (I didn’t do anything nasty someone just decided to give me money…maybe they thought I was the resident GO-GO boi)
Argentum has allowed a BOI to get catch his fancy! Now, I already know that this one will come around just as the others did. It’s is just the fact that this may require some actual work. I know this all sounds really conceded…but then again if you don’t like it don’t read it. So here is to the chase…and the prize! This should be interesting!

So I have been thinking about someone one a lot lately. I am really confused about it. I mean I think that he likes me…everyone says he flirts with me. I just don’t know. I am kind of just thinking of letting Argentum handle this one! I don’t know if that is the best idea. I mean I am totally obsessing over this boi. He is totally cute, and his laugh is so cute. LOL…I smile when I think about him…I guess I just have to let the One upstairs take this one. I hope he does like me…so send me all your positive energy so we can make this happen!

This is Argentum...I sparkle more then your false Vampire!

2008-11-20T14:30:00.002-05:00

This is Argentum! I am at 2,162 degrees C! I take what I want when I want...get what I want. How? You ask? That’s a secret I will never tell! Wanna join me? I am Fierce beast! Love me or hate me...I know who I am! I have gone from the cautious, ever-vigilant person; to an ISO-TEB. I don’t want to hear things from people who knew Patricio say "I never expected that from you…" Too bad…this is Argentum and I am taking over!

I cannot begin to tell you the emotions and changes that have happened. For those people who know me, think of the things that I would never do…I’ll do them. I have become more of the me I have always been. I am Argentum Babylon! I have changed. I make my decisions based on my choices, needs, and desires. I no longer accept doubt and pity…they are the crunches of the meaningless and weak!

What Next? I move forward…this is a path of enlightenment. The unknown lies ahead. I move in a world of gypsies…ever moving ever changing. I have had my heart handed to me…my feelings mocked. I know what I should have known all along. I refuse to become jaded and bitter…I refuse your conventional wisdom…instead I chose my reality. As I see it!

I know only two certainties in this life! I am born and I will die! Everything else is just a game! Janga! I will do what it takes to win! Understand that the person of compassion and loyalty is never missing. He is just sitting quietly until he is needed. What you hear is what you get. Can you hear me? Can you feel me? Are you sacred? I am that passion in your soul…I am the ISO-TEB!

Can you see me for who I am? To those people out there that make believe I am someone I am not…I am sorry for your loss. I am not the nice, innocent person. That was a shell….I am a fierce beast of passion and self-indulgence. I am the embodiment of an ISO-TEB. Constantly in search of that eternal bliss! What makes me happy…I will take what I want! Understand that? To those who have trampled across me…thank you for awakening these feelings! For those who support me…I love you and appreciate your love. If your not with me, then your in my way...I don't like people being in my way! Are you excited yet?

Stupid Boi shares his beliefs.

2008-11-15T16:51:00.001-05:00

This has been a really weird day. I have had the weirdest conversations with people. Last night Sally Jo and I were actually talking about the way the world works. She said to me that I should write a book on philosophy all because I made the comment that "That you could change the circumstance, but never change the outcome." That is just my belief. It is important to understand that, no matter what you try to change the Universe will realign to produce the outcome.

That is not saying that you cannot change the outcome ever. The Universe is merely a vessel. You have to fill it with your desires. The Universe responds to what you want, regardless you think it will or not. So if you are distressed and complaining you are basically asking for more of that. Have you ever noticed the people who the most negative in the world always have the worst luck? Yeah…This is all actually outlined in the book The Secret. Although, this is something that I have been taught my whole life. Someone actually wrote about it.

The other part I started talking about religion with my friend TT. Well, I have never understood the whole belief that if you are not my religion then you are wrong. What is that about? If you study any religion you will notice that they are all very similar. The Eightfold Path in Buddhism is close to the Ten Commandments. The laws of the Torah are similar to the Law in the Karan. So there can be a belief that all of these religions are fundamentally the same.

Then we had the infamous conversation on Homosexuality. Now, I do not believe in Gay Marriage. Let me explain. I believe that we should have the same rights as any other couple under the law. I believe that Marriage is an intuition of the Church. Since I believe that we should separate church from state, then the aspect of Marriage as an institution of the church should not be regulated by the state.

I do believe that we should have the right to have a civil union with the same rights under the law as married couples. However, are you going to love your partner any less because your commitment is called a civil union instead of a marriage? Yeah…I didn't think so.

Then we talked about people who use their religion as way to condemn others. All I have to ask is who are you to judge me?

So finally, I was reading a friends blog about Twilight. I know nothing about the book, but she really made a really great point…"if you could live forever, what would you live for?" WOW! Really what would you live for? Let me know!

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi Getting Lost

2008-11-09T22:18:00.001-05:00

It’s cold outside…that's it just cold. I am a little emo today. I just wonder sometimes…is this it? Am I really doing what I am supposed to be doing or is there something else? I have this burning inside me for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it is…it is just there. I have this feeling that I should be famous or doing something in entertainment.

My mother has this friend and every time she sees my mother she asks if I moved to LA to be in the movies. It just so happens that she comes around every time I start to feel this way. I just saw her the other day after my Peace Corps interview. Is this a sign?? LOL. She always tells me how good I was. I never saw it. Maybe I should be doing big and bright out there. Who knows? I mean really, if it was meant to be wouldn't I have been pushed to do that.

I don't know what I am really feeling right now. I just watched this movie called "Dog Tags" on TLA Releasing. HORRIABLE acting…hot guys…but good story. I dunno I am sitting here just thinking a lot about my life. I mean I got a great one, compared to others. I have two parents and all sorta friends. I have my problems but I get over them. I just get in these moods where I begin to wonder what if…Anyone get that way.

This is going to sound really conceded but I just have this feeling that I am destine to be great! Maybe that is just me thinking way to highly of myself. I just see some of the people who I have done theatre with and they have moved on to be on Broadway and stuff like that. May be I just didn't chase it far enough. I just didn't think I was good enough. Not like I really had many good parts in High School, or was actually told I was any good.

I dunno I am going into the Peace Corps (pending they accept me). I think that is great because I will get to do something great for someone else. I know that I have wanted to try this before. It is only two years of my life and then who knows maybe that will be my ticket in some how.

I am going to side track real quick…I have been thinking a lot about life after the Peace Corps. I have really been trying to pin down what I want to do. I am so lost about it…lol…I really have this life thing figured out. I have been thinking about moving to California…of course San Francisco. I am just so drawn away from this place. I think that I am getting stuck in the Midwest. Not that it really is that bad of a place…but I have never actually meet anyone here who says this is where I really always wanted to be. I just kind of see this a purgatory…the waiting room of the world.

To the shock and amazement of people…I have prayed on this and asked for guidance. Maybe I will just let the universe direct me. Just throw my dance card in the wind and see where it lands. Who knows like VW says on the road of life there are drivers and there are passengers…I am just not a driver I guess.

Anyone else feeling this way? Maybe we can get lost together…let me know…"like two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl"

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi...Hoping for Change!

2008-11-03T23:52:00.000-05:00

On the eve of one of the most important elections in my lifetime, I have to wonder about what will happen. Will I wake up Wednesday and end up dealing with more Republican bull shit? I mean nothing no offense to all the Republicans but could you all get a clue? I know that is my view and that we are allowed to have our own…but this is my blog and I get to say what I want.

It makes me so nervous that someone could agree with President Bush on anything. He has destroyed our country financially! Not to mention that if you aren't careful you may not have human rights soon. I know that sounds harsh but that is the reality. (PS this is my blog so please just read and don't argue with me…don't like it don't read it…Thanks)

I noticed though throughout the United States there are many propositions on the ballots in some states that take away your rights. Take for instance proposition 8 in California. The Marriage one…They want ensure that marriage is between a man and a woman. OKAY! I thought marriage was about love, commitment, and building a life together. That is just me…I didn't know that marriage had to have an agenda. I know that this is a religiously defined institution so…isn't that a separation of church and state? I mean who really fucking cares if someone wants to marry someone of the same sex. Is it really going to hurt you?

Sorry about that…but think about this election. There is a woman and a man of color running for the two most important offices in the U.S. Whomever wins will make history. This is something that our kids will actually learning about in school one day. You can actually say "Yes I remember that!" Isn't that amazing.

I think that if McCain wins this election, I will cry for about three weeks. I am scared that we will end up like they did in Argentina in 2000. When we visited the our family in Argentina the President had just left office, people were rioting, and there were no money…really they were printing their own money in each providence. It was scary for the first three days. I mean the only thing that was open was Wal-Mart. I just remember thinking "thank g*d I don't live here"!

I just hope that who ever it is makes the difference that they are all claiming they plan to make. So here is to hope, change, and being a maverick. Let's just hope that someone changes this soon!

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Catching Up with Stupid Boi!

2008-11-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

Let's catch up! So a lot has happened in the short time that I have been away! I have gone a little crazy. I had my Peace Corps interview! Yeah, that was awesome…so one step closer to being there. I just hope the rest of this is this easy. Anyway, no need to worry cause all that positive energy everyone is sending will be the key!

Life is funny sometimes you know…I have noticed some strange things lately. I really have become a major player in my own destiny. I have taken control and I am starting to remove the things that bother me the most. I cannot understand anymore blaming others or circumstances for my own poor decisions. I guess that is when you grow up! My whole attitude has changed, I cannot deal with all the negativity that surrounds some people. Everyday cannot be a bad day…that is just not normal. It is hard times in Ghetto these days. Money is tight, and jobs are really hard to come by. I have a job but I need another one. However, my hours at work are so strange that it is hard to come by. I just wish someone would just hand me money…lol, don't we all!

I am moving back in with my parents to pay off my debt before I go into the Peace Corps…yeah that may make me sound like a loser, but I don't care. At least I will be debt free!

Halloween- Well this Halloween was actually fun. I went to Miss Teri's party…I drank too much I guess and puked but I didn't really! No, seriously, I had maybe two cups of "Where the fuck did I park my truck". Yeah so that was not too fun but the next night I actually got to see some people I haven't seen in a while. That was awesome because people are great. I love when you haven't seen someone in a while and they act like it has been years! LOL! Nicole's party was really great thought. Sometimes I wonder if Halloween is just an excuse for people to be half naked.

I have actually stopped going out, due to lack of flow, and just because I have no need to look anymore. Although, I did meet someone who is so adorable. I really want to ask him out…but that would be super dumb because I am LEAVING. I think that he finds me interesting…or just in my own mind. Well we shall see where that goes. Let go, Let G*D! ya'know!

So today is a lazy day…Sunday, I am actually going to clean my car and do some random stuff. I have tomorrow off though so I don't even have to worry about anything. I know that was random but you know me. Everything is kosher on this end. Life is beautiful. I just wish some people would understand that so they could understand what it is like to be okay now and then.

Someone said last night…I wonder if this is how normal people feel. I don't know really, I am far from normal. OR we could be really cliché and say "what is normal". We all go through our ups and downs, have those days. How do you cope if that day last your whole life? That takes a stronger person then me! I mean my world crashes when Gossip Girl is a re-run. I wouldn't begin to understand that. That is why I could never judge that! I just don't understand.

That is something funny too. I have realized that I don't understand a lot of things…and that is okay. I thought I did but I don't so it's not that I don't care…it's just that I don't want to be bothered. Isn't that okay? People act really messed up when you just don't pay attention to them 24/7! Sorry life moves forward…never back. So stop living in the past and start living in the now. Well I guess that is my rant and rave for today.

XOXO,
Stupid Boi

Just a Heads up!

2008-09-29T12:42:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to let you all know that I have officially submitted my application to the Peace Corps! Wish Me LUCK! I am so excited, I cannot wait to get to spend 2 years overseas! So everyone send me that positive energy and I will get in!

Stupid Boi's Awesome Adventure

2008-09-22T22:40:00.000-04:00

Many people are in need! We all know this…we have all seen the feed the children campaigns…we would all like to send money and then turn away. What if that was your reality? What if you actually had a chance to make that difference. That is something that has been on my mind lately.

Ever since I heard Joyce Meyers say "how can I trust that you will give me money when you win the lottery…when you won't even give me the dollar in your pocket right now." That is so true! I am even guilty of that. Oh I wish I could give money…if I had a million dollars of course I would! Then I turn around and complain because I don't have money to go out and drink or out to eat. When there are people who don't even know how to protect themselves from HIV.

Think about the most mundane thing you do all day! Ready GO……Okay think about that…what was it? Talking on the phone, your cell phone, sitting at a desk on the computer all day! There are people in this world that don't even know what that is. Even the most improvised person in the United States is better off then people in other countries. Yes I know that we need to figure out how to help ourselves first. But I am conflicted here! I see people everyday that have services at their fingertips…they popo it and act like they deserve that! I don't owe you anything!

That is why I have made the choice to apply to the Peace Corps. At first I thought what the hell do I have to offer…well you know what I have passion…and 12 years of experience in HIV education. That is what I have to offer. I sit here and think about how fat I am…how depressed I am…there are people in this world right now that wish they had that problem.

I will one day have the opportunity to be rich, to have what I want, to worry about getting the newest iPod. But for two years…27 months I will get to change someone else's life. Somebody will look to me for help. That is what being a human being is all about. I know that this will not be an easy road…I don't expect it to be! As a matter of fact the harder it is the more I will learn. Not only about the country I am in but myself. I will be pushed to the limits…shown how I am just a small part of a greater picture.

I am not sitting here telling everyone to run out and join the Peace Corps…it is not for everyone. Is it for me? Honestly I don't know! I don't even know what to expect from it! All I know is that I will get to be a small part of a big thing! So yeah I will keep you up to date on the happenings…for the first time I actually am alive inside. Excited about this! I really hope that I get in…I know I will! Just remember there are more important things in this world then what we actually complain about!

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi is Damaged!

2008-09-17T14:10:00.000-04:00

Okay so tell me the truth…we all have that one friend who no matter what you say or do they totally do the opposite. Like when they get their heart broken by the same guy more then once and continues to go back…Like this time is gonna be different!

I know that I should be happy for this person…but fuck it…because the other person is a complete and total FUCK! I think it is quite funny that everyone else says something about how much of a FUCK he is. Oh well I guess that is not my life…I am just not going to be the shoulder to cry on! I have my own problem.

How am I doing you ask? Oh well, I am shitty actually. Other then the fact I am still alive and have a job…well! I am just sick of trying so hard to talk to someone about the way I am feeling but they don’t care. I know everyone has their own problems but damn I listen all the time. I mean has anyone actually noticed that my whole mood and attitude changed??? I am sure you have and are just thinking he is being a dick! How about the fact that I have actually been considering doing things that I shouldn’t just to see if anyone notices.

Yeah I want the attention! Fuck, I give it out…I want some too! I am sick of hearing about it all. Yeah I have my own problems…how about money for one…how about stress from work? So if you are not going to take my advice then don’t ask for it! Definitely don’t ask for it and then turn around and ridicule it! I am not gonna sit here and say oh I am just being bitchy today. NO! HELL NO! I am not being bitchy I am being honest.

I am sorry if that hurts your feelings…as a true friend you will sit down and talk about it with me. I have tried to say things before…but I get shut down. I am not angry about this…really I am not but I am upset. I have had bad days lately…I have had problems lately…why wouldn’t you call me just to say hi or just drop by to see if I am actually alive. Oh yeah that is what facebook and myspace are for. Now what if I got rid of it all???? No more social networking! Then what would you do…what if I just got rid of the phone, stopped going out, would you try to hunt me down??

Ah, well! I guess that is what this is about. Just don’t ask me how I am doing, if you are not going to take the time to change the way I feel! Or just listen to what is going on! So everyone go back to your lives…thanks for reading this!

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Off-Off Broadway…Stupid Boi

2008-09-15T21:56:00.002-04:00

Just let me take you down a path… I am eternally the actor. I am always changing, shifting, delivering the right line on cue. The right place at the right time. Well the lights have been hung and the curtain drawn and now it is show time….so here we go another show, another night…

There are some major players in this epic tale of Stupid Boi. There are always many roles that need to be played in a drama. Where there is a protagonist there is an antagonist. Well in this show the only antagonist is love. You see our fair hero seems to give it away like it was going out of style. He just has to find an object for his affection. Right now there is at least three!

Now, we cannot decide if our hero is just some emo soul who feels every cut deeply or is he the beacon of hope in a world gone mad. You see there is no clear cut definition for him. See he is this great personality with the charisma to match, but much like any super hero there is meek and shy side. That uncertainty is what is the driving force behind his success. So let me introduce the supporting cast:

There is the always there side kick. The one who has always stood behind the hero dealing with her own issues. Then there is "batgirl" type character. The one who really isn't a side kick, the lone wolf. This is the one who admires the successes of our hero, but chooses the blind path of his own.

Then there is the damsel in distress! You see this is where the conflict begins. There are too many to choose. The most perfect one is too out of reach. They also don't even know how much our hero has fallen for him. There is only one problem! Our hero also has feelings for someone else. These feelings leave and come back…walking away every time gets harder to do. You see this other person has feelings for our hero too…there problem is that they won't admit too it. They want to act as though everything is great, grand, and that the friendship will sustain them.

I guess that is why I am in such turmoil. Just one moment in love with this person is like that perfect monologue that makes you understand why you have a heart in the first place. I know what you are all gonna say…and yes I have said something to this person. Then you turn and there is the other one who adores you, tells you that you are perfect just the way you are. Their line delivery is perfect! When he texts your heart melts. However, both of these people are out of reach…so you are alone. Sitting in you apartment listening to Chaka Kahn, have a romantic evening with text message conversation.

Then just when you thought you had it all figured out…Puck comes out and plays his tricks. One lover in love with the wrong lover. While the whole wide world spins around you. Then fade to black…and you are left confused, lonely, and wondering what will ever happen to our hero. Have we found his Kryptonite? Will this be the end our hero? Tune in next week and find out!

XOXO,

Stupid Boi

Stupid Boi Goes Off!

2008-09-11T11:17:00.001-04:00

Have you ever told someone something and they completely disregard what you have said? Yeah totally not cool! I have to work every morning…with few exceptions! That is why I get holidays off! Well 8 am comes really quickly sometimes! This isn’t a new occurrence either. All I have asked is that you don’t wake me up! Apparently that is too difficult to understand!

You see there, I have asked that people just basically keep quite if they are coming over at 4 am! One because I do live in an Apartment and 2 because someone is trying to sleep. For the second time this week I was woken up at 4 am because some people cannot understand the concept of SHUTTING THE FUCK UP! Not to mention when I did wake up and basically have already said it nicely once, I basically lost it! Then I get talked about! OH FUCK THAT SHIT…I am seriously pissed off about this! HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT for people!

To top it all off I look down on the table and there is WEED, ROLLING Papers and a Roller! THAT IS NOT OKAY AT ALL! It is not like I have never expressed how I do not want that shit in my house or around me at all! I think I have the right to request that! If I am out in public it is another story! Other people have respected that rule before!

I am not trying to put the Kabosh on someone’s good time…but it ceases to be okay when you are in fact impeding on my well being! Not to mention that I overslept this morning and was late for work AGAIN! This has got to stop This is NOT OKAY!

Now I am at work really tired and cranky….fuck it I am SHITTY AS HELL right now. I know this is all gonna come back on me somehow too. That is the worst part! That I am the bad guy here. When all I have ever asked for was not to be woken up or have pot in my apartment! Is that really too much to ask??

This isn’t a pissing contest! I am not here playing king of the fucking hill…I just want some sleep! It is difficult to draw blood or focus on the tasks at had when you are about to pass out! Maybe I will just buy some ear plugs…That will solve the problem I guess.

I am not extremely mad at my roommate…actually I am just disappointed! I know that you cannot control your friends…I am however pissed that when you actually go to that person who causes the problems and they still don’t care.

Sorry this was a little rough today! I am just really cranky and ready to snap. I am under a lot of stress, which everyone is! I just wanted to sleep and not get woken up! I guess thinking that others have respect for someone makes me a Stupid Boi!

Stupid Boi's Labor Day Weekend!

2008-09-02T10:53:00.000-04:00

So what is Labor Day weekend without a little adventure? I actually had a four day weekend. Friday was pretty uneventful, just stayed home and relaxed. Saturday, I actually went to my parent’s house and did laundry, and then I went to a friend’s birthday party in the middle of nowhere. Saturday night was when it got interesting. So Allie and I went back to the apartment and just chilled we had invited people over to play board games. Shavonne and her gurl came over and we were playing trivial pursuit 90’s edition.

I actually received this phone call at around midnight from Brandon….now I had already thought that Brandon was in K-Zoo (Michigan). So when he called I sorta freaked out. Then he asked me to come and get him. So I was wondering what was really going on…now I am not gonna put his business in the streets. Just know at that point we had an adventure to Southern Michigan. So we secured Chipmunk and drove home. That was really the adventure for him.

Sunday night I actually didn’t do much. Chips and I went to my parents and hung out, went swimming, and then hot tub! That was a good time. I actually called my friend Karen who I haven’t talked to in a while and walked over to her house at like 11 at night. Karen and I chatted about random stuff. Then I was talking to Scott who is the boy I met online. He is really young to me….18…but he is hot and actually can hold a conversation. We talked until like 4 in the morning. It was awesome. I was sitting outside by the pool looking at the starz, warm breeze, all that cool stuff. Only thing that was really missing was Scott actually being there.

Then Monday came and I talked to my parents about my current money situation. Also, my need to look for a new place to live. Then I went home for the premier of One Tree Hill. It wasn’t that eventful but we had some excitement. I had a good weekend based on the fact that I actually felt relaxed and got to talk to someone who is really special.

Stupid Boi in your space!

2008-08-30T13:05:00.002-04:00

So one of my Favorite things to do in this life is too check out people's myspace/facebook pages and read the whole thing. Yeah I get bored really quickly. Like last night when I dressed in Drag for no reason! LOL. I just love to read other people's thoughts…especially the "about me" section or the "Who I want to meet" section. People get so deep sometimes on those sections, including myself. I just think it is funny cause does anyone really read that stuff anyway? Well this blog I am gonna put up some of my fave "about me" or "who I would like to meet sections".

We will start with mine…I think that mine is pretty to the point.

HRH Prince Patricio

So...this is the about me section....well what do I say? About me...I am a fun, loving, sometimes crazy, always amazing person. I get crabby when you wake me up or I am really tired. I work hard and play harder. I love to be outside (except for when I eat!) I wanna see the world from my perspective. Sometimes I get mean...but only when the situation calls for it. I love to people watch. I am caring and am too nice sometimes too. I am a contradiction in terms. Well I hope that is all you really wanted to know. If not email me...I tell you more!

TAURUS - The Enduring One

(April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often n. Very generous

So that is my about me section…I just really wanted to put something up that was really who I was. I mean that is truly me. I mean sometimes when you read someone's about me section it gives like there entire life story. I like to leave things to mystery…get to know me if you really want to know about me.

Okay and then there are those people who take the easy way out and take some survey and put that up. That is a little too generic for me. I want to know about what you want to tell me. Not answer some questions someone else made up.

This is Brandon's "who'd I like to meet section":

B-Diddy (Defined)

I want to meet the guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him even if you're wrong, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... I'm waiting for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. The guy who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, "that's him." I'm sick of the hook ups, the set ups, the fuck ups, the guy who only wants one thing, the guy who doesn't know what he wants, and the guy who does, but wont admit it -I just want the real thing. I deal with heart break, it sux...just when you think you found the right one and the one that wont hurt you no matter what will rip your fucking heart out right in front of your face...Well...looks can be deceiving...minds can play games...mouths cant tell the truth...and sometimes hearts don't exist...BUT! if you have a Great look, your mind dont play games, You always tell the truth, and you do have a heart- then you can count on me..cuz this is what im

This is so true! Isn't this what we are all looking for? Sometimes I begin to wonder if that we are just chasing that preverbal Dragon. Cause love is the most addictive drug in the world. No really…look up PAE it is brain chemical called the "love drug". It is also found in chocolate.

I really have began to wonder, what would people say about you if they had the chance to be completely honest in that section. Like have your worst enemy and best friend write it together. What would come out of it? Would there be some real truth to that. I mean we build ourselves up in these things and then what happens if we meet and I am like "dude you are nothing like you're about me section"??

So moving on here is LaTonya's page:

uthinkuknowbutuhavenoclue

Hey Ya'll!! Thanks for visiting my page and actually reading it. You have to admit, that's somewhat of a lost art. You have stumbled upon my little piece of cyberspace and I welcome you with open arms. Okay, where to start about me.....ah, well, for those of you who have yet to meet me, I just happen to be one of the coolest, chill females that has ever graced this rock. I love to laugh and spend time with my friends and my family whenever I am able to. I am beautiful, educated, a God-Fearing woman and goal-oriented. I have been blessed with so much, thus far, that I can't really complain.

Now this is an about me section. This is just a bold statement of who she is! If you know LaTonya will know that is truly who she is. She is bold and well you can read the rest.

I mean go through your friends and actually read some of the stuff you put up there. Especially the person you are secretly in love with, have a crush on, etc. You begin to realize that sometimes you are the person they are looking for. That you have done those things since day one. Look at your friends, the one's your not in love with. See what kinda people they want to meet and see if you fit that mold. I often have no clue sometimes why I have the friends I do because I am so different from there "who'd I like to meet" section. Well it will all work itself out in the end…Until next time!

Keep on…Keeping on,

Stupid Boi

Of Gods and Stupid Bois

2008-08-27T21:28:00.002-04:00

So okay for those of you who don't know me you will know that I am not religious. I mean I am Pro-Choice and Gay…that alone gets my card revoked. When I walk into a church even Jesus leaves! (Just kidding) But there are two people in my life that are truly devout.

First there was Amber! Amber is an amazing person…she has come through a lot of trials and yet still has faith. She actually is incredible. I don't even think that there is a day that goes by that she even slips in her faith. She is an inspiration. Well Amber and I lost touch and then maybe a year ago we reconnected and since then I have been truly blessed in that fact. She makes me look at myself through the eyes of that higher power. Even though she made up some story about me and a goat…but it was actually funny!

Then there is the girl Kelley…not gonna lie…at first I thought she was one of those naïve church goers. Honestly, I have found inspiration in her faith. She too is one of those people that is inspiration because she is always happy and a lot of fun. I actually look forward to going to work most days because her desk is behind mine. Even though we have different faiths she has made me take a closer look at my own beliefs.

Okay so I am not just doing this to blow smoke up their buts…its just lately a lot of people have been telling me that I am positive and upbeat. That is a complete change from before. It may be because I am actually doing something that I love to do. I also have really great friends. Old and New! I just have a different attitude about life. I believe that those two incredible women actually had something to do with it. They have proven that having that amazing blind faith can make you happy. They both remind me of Joyce Meyers who is a great speaker.

Well that is what was on my mind as I sit in the dark tonight. LOL…I have acting all emo lately too though. I kinda got this attitude last night with someone and then got called on it. I don't know why I was like that. I guess that is jealousy. I mean that's okay in moderation…I will get through it. Part of the problem is that I am in love with someone who just doesn't get it. I mean he has got to know I love him…I tell him that all the time! Yes, I am talking about you my prince. I just wish he could understand that no matter what happens in this world I will always walk by his side, carry him when he can longer walk, and push him when he needs help.

Last night was fun though! Oh yeah I am a little jumpy tonight…a lot on my mind…so just bear with me… we did go out and I started out a little moody, then I was fine. I had a good time…I turned into one of those loving drunks that had to tell people how much I love them…;-p It is better then being a mean drunk. OHHHHH juicy….so there was this weird energy in the air last night. People that were polar opposites were making out and others were trying to get a piece of the Pat Pie! Then there was someone who acted really weird…sexual tension was really high last night. It was really weird! Again had a good time though.

It is actually nice and quite tonight, just me an Reba. Kinda nice to be alone with my own thoughts. I am just thinking about life and the pursuit of happiness. I have come to the conclusion that I think that I am headed for great things or a brick wall one of these days. LOL. I am also thinking about the fact that I have to go clean up someone else's puke! Gross! For those of you who feel like puking in my house don't cause the next person who pukes on my floor is sleeping on the patio! I mean it…but that's it for now…leave me a comment!

Stupid Boi at Work...

2008-08-25T14:25:00.000-04:00

Okay so it’s Monday and I am back at work! Yay! I am so looking forward to this short week. I get a 4 day weekend! I also got paid today which means nothing at this point because I am again….without. But I did get my car back! That is why I have no money! So I am excited about that. I have really been sitting here deep in thought. I have to say that I really needed to take my own advice lately.

You see part of my job is to help those with addiction issues. I am always telling people that you cannot change until you want to change. Well I was sitting here trying to change someone. I finally looked at the situation and realized that I was in the wrong. So I am sorry for that.

This friend tends to smoke a lot of pot lately. Not that I have never done that. I just choose not too at the time. Well it really bothers me that they do this. I don’t know why it does, and it really isn’t my place. He is really respectful of me when he does it. He doesn’t do it in my home, or around me, and never asks me if I want to do it with him. So I guess my real issue is that he drives high….but then I am reminded that I have driven drunk before (I mean stupid f***ing move) So I have no room to even talk. I would never judge my friends for the choices they make. I would simply let them know that isn’t where I am going on my life path. So Chips I have to apologize to you for acting that way. I just get worried about my friends and I don’t want to see them go down the path that I see everyday at work. I guess out of my friends I am the protector.

So we played trivial pursuit again last night!! Sally Jo and I won….again. But then everyone kept saying that I was really smart. I mean I am but it got to me a little because in the past certain people always told me that it seemed like I was talking down to them. Honestly, I was! I just don’t want people to think I always have to be right or that I think they are beneath me. I learn so much from different people everyday. I may know a lot of useless information that doesn’t mean that I am actually smart.

I guess those are just my insecurities…not really that important because my friends now don’t see it that way I don’t think. So I guess this is my non-adventure to day. Just your average day in paradise!

Stupid Boi Speaks the Truth!

2008-08-24T05:03:00.001-04:00

So okay it is 3 am on Sunday morning. Yeah I didn't go out tonight…even though I got text messages all day asking if I was going out. That gets me! This specific person Chris got an attitude with me tonight because I said I didn't want to go out. (Oh yeah…nobody is safe anymore on here!) He asked me if I was going to come to see him. I said no and he got shitty with me. Well I am sorry, I don't go out all the time. I love Chris…I just didn't like the way he acted tonight. It was rude! I know I don't see him that often…when I said that I just saw him last week he didn't remember because he was too drunk. WOW! What do you think?

Anyway, so I stayed in tonight and actually fell asleep at around 11pm. Not very exciting until my roommate Allie came home at around midnight. Her "friend" came over and we are now sitting up watching Jamie Foxx "I Might Need Security". Then, around 3 am Brandon (Chipmunk) came over. So now there are four of us just sitting around. Chipmunk is on his phone texting people and we are just talking about the nights events.

So yeah not too exciting tonight but I did get to think a lot. I have been really moody lately. It is because I have been under a lot of stress. About 2 weeks ago my checks got stolen and I have no bank account right now or access to my money. Then my breaks went out on my Jeep! Wow! It has been a week. That is why I have been really moody. I am really stressed about a lot of other things too. I just don't feel like going into that! I am just really sick of this little town. There are just to many people who are too close with too much drama!

I am also so sick of dealing with other people's drama all the time. Word to the wise…Don't listen…or act like you don't care. That is why I am too nice some times. I mean I feel that this is the only way I can express how I am feeling cause most people are too wrapped up to even listen. However, the expectation is that you listen. Here is the kicker…ready…when you think that they are listening they really aren't. Can I get some advice sometimes? Where is the person with all the answers?

I really am always concerned about what others are gonna think of what I say; but I can't do that. I am just sick of not really being able to say what I want. Well this is the new me. I am no longer gonna hold my tongue. I am not gonna be mean about it…but I am not gonna be really that nice either!

Stupid Boi Says Hello!

2008-08-23T16:07:00.003-04:00

So I will introduce myself. My name is Patricio…everyone calls me Patrick. Okay so Stupid Boi…yeah I hate the word Stupid. I think it is so dismissive…when we don't get someone or something we call it stupid! So you are probably thinking why did I use the name "Stupid Boi" well…here is my explanation.

My whole life I have not really fit in with the rest of the kids…I have been misunderstood…a lot. I know most of us have. I am also a gay man….lately I have noticed that the word "Stupid" and "Gay" have become the same word. I have heard so many people say "That is so Gay!" Again it is so dismissive. So I thought that it would be Ironic…don't cha think? "boi" okay so I am not a child…nor am I still a boy! However, I am not that old so I still get called a boy…so I changed it to BOI instead of BOY. Get it? Okay so that was the boring.

Well here I am….so what do you want to know? Well I am 27 and I live in South Bend, Indiana…near Notre Dame if you don't know where that is. This is a small town who thinks it's a big city! Well we are not that far from Chicago or Indianapolis. I live in this one bedroom apartment on the east side of town. I work for AIDS Ministries/AIDS Assist…I am an HIV educator. I don't make a lot of money but I love what I do.

I actually started writing this blog on myspace and decided to move it over here! So if you wanna read some of the past blogs you can check it out at www.myspace.com/patrickbattani. I just actually write what I am feeling. Sometimes I am redundant but I really don't care. This isn't about entertaining people it is about putting down my feelings. So I hope that explains what is going on here…feel free to leave me you comments or suggestions. A word to the wise please leave your hate somewhere else…I really don't want to hear you ignorance.